My thoughts have been filled with missionary things lately. Skirts and dresses, preach my gospel and scriptures, mission calls and maps, pointing out the 300+ places I could be assigned to labor. I have gotten very little sleep lately, because I have been laying in bed, wide awake, thinking about what I am getting myself into. The reality of my mission call is real ladies and gentlemen. I finished my mission papers last week, and now all I do is wait. Wait for paper submission, wait for my call. Wait for the temple. Wait for the MTC.
Lots of waiting.
As I wait though, I have been thinking of many things, and my heart has learned so much the past few months. In reality, it was this past weekend that I learned the most, and came to the realization that serving the Lord is exactly what I want to do right now. On Saturday, my ward had a baptism for a girl named Angelica. She is here on a work visa from Brazil, and is the sweetest spirit ever.
I was blessed to be able to be present as she bravely entered the waters of baptism. Her service was so beautiful and spiritual. The spirit testified to me that baptism is so important, and I was brought to tears as I was moved by the Holy Ghost. I was sitting one row behind Angelica, and was able to watch her feel the love that heavenly father has for her. I was amazed at how graceful the spirit weaved in and out of everyone in that stake center.
There was a moment where Ilyssa, a girl in my ward with an incredible singing voice, sang a song called the painters hands. The music was incredible, and made all of us cry. The words touched each of us, as we all learned that we are being sculpted by our master, and someday, we will all be perfect masterpieces. Here is the best part: Angelica is learning English. It was difficult for her to understand what was being said in the song, but her spirit recognized the truth of the words, and she had big tears rolling down her cheeks. The spirit only needs truth. It doesn't need flowery words, or elaborate things, just the plain and simple truth that Christ is our savior, and through Him, anything is possible. It truly was a humbling experience, and I was feeling so spiritually fed. After the baptism was over, all I could keep thinking was how excited I am to witness precious, once in a lifetime moments like this all the time while I am on my mission.
While sitting there in the same place I was baptized 7 months before, I just kept thinking to myself. Where would I be if I hadn't of gotten baptized? Would I still be investigating and praying? Would I have made the choice to live a sober life? The answers to these questions haunted me. I didn't like what I imagined in my head. I was a mess before I joined the church. Not a mess like a meth addict... but I was without a doubt a hot mess of crazy. My life was literally going no where. And I was in so much pain from all the relationship problems I had managed to escape by some miracle. I was lost and confused, and I couldn't see a way out.
And then, I learned about the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Two missionaries, followed a referral from Mormon.org and came to my door. I was ready to try one more time, and really see if it was all true. I threw all the misconceptions I had heard about the church out the window, and opened my heart to what they had to say. The feeling the spirit gave me in that lesson was exactly as how I imagined Angelica felt during the song that was sung at her baptism. I KNEW. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God wanted to forgive me for my sins, and heal me from my pain, and because He wanted these things and loved me so dearly, He gave me his son. Christ died not only for my sins, but also for my heart ache, and my sorrow, and my confusion. For everything I have felt, I have a savior who knows EXACTLY what I went through. I could feel the spirit testify to me this very simple truth and I am forever grateful for that moment. I will never forget it.
As I prepare to submit my mission papers (62 days and counting), I do my best to think about this one thing every day. How can I preach the gospel of change to others, if I haven't witnessed its changing affects in my own life? How can I be passionate, if I overlook the very moment my testimony grew from a seed to a tree? The reality of this, is I cant be a missionary if I forget all of this. If I put the atonement of Christ on the back burner, my mission will become an 18 month waste, where I walk around just as blank and lost as before.
I cant forget Gods love. I wont forget it. I have been made beautiful and pure through baptism, I have stepped foot on the path back to my Father, and there is plenty of room for others to step on too. I cant wait to serve the Lord, and bring His children the happiness and the freedom I have been given. I love this gospel with everything I am, and with everything I have the potential to become.
I know that God restored this gospel to its fullness, through the prophet Joseph Smith, and because this happened, I can read my Book of Mormon every day, feel the spirit and gain a testimony all over again. I know Jesus Christ is my redeemer. I am no longer feeling hopeless and afraid. God is so good. His grace is a gift of strength, and I feel it every day. I feel it now.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
The ABC's of Gospel Life
The last month has been non stop with dreams about my future mission. On top of that though, its been doctor appointments, work, studying, and lots of prayer. There are a billion things stressing me out! I don't need to stress or worry, realistically, I have a good plan, and a back up plan.... but, life still happens, and I am learning that the adversary has clever ways to get to me, and somehow, God always takes over the battle when I cant fight any more. So here I go, updating my blog, in alphabetical order (:
Acceptance.
In my particular situation I have came to accept that I will loose almost all of my belongings. I will be sleeping on a couch sharing a one bedroom apartment with my mom. I will have no vacation days, no sick days, and will most likely work right up until I leave for my mission. I will leave this job, knowing perfectly it was the best paying job I have ever had, and I may not find a position quiet like it for a long time to come.
I will have no fun on my expense including: eating out, shopping for things that aren't necessary for a mission, no eye brow waxing, hair cuts, or trips to jump street. Every penny has a place to go. Between covering the medical expenses, paying off my school loan, keeping up on my bills, moving from my apartment to a smaller cheaper one, and having savings to fall back on while I am away, every cent is accounted for. No more facebook, texting, girls nights or institute. No more sleeping in. No more dating. I may even miss out on the chance to be with the guy I fell in love with months ago. Ill miss weddings, birthdays, births...
I have came to accept these things. These are small sacrifices on the scheme of things that I will be giving up in order to serve the Lord for 18 months. It has been relatively easy for me to accept these things, because my desire to serve is so strong. What has been harder to accept though, are things that have been pressed into my head in the last few days.
My Uncle Wayne is very sick with cancer, and has been fighting it for a few years now. A few months ago he was given just a few short weeks to live, but by some grace of God he is still here. He recently had tracheotomy surgery, and things seem to be getting progressively worse. His son (who might as well be my brother) is currently awaiting a lung transplant as he suffers from cystic fibrosis. All of this is happening under the same roof in a small Missouri town.
I simply ignore that this is going on. Every time I allow myself to think about it, my heart breaks, I search the scriptures, and cry, trying to think of what I could possibly do to save their lives and make things better. I have had to recognize that I may loose my uncle, and possibly my brother, while I am away on my mission. This is nearly impossible to accept. I promised myself that unless one of my parents pass away, I will not come home. To make things perfectly clear, I LOVE my family so much, but I love the Lord and this gospel and unless given an extreme circumstance I anticipate serving a full mission. Ill be honest, it is scary to think about. It causes me grief and sorrow. It pains me.
I know about the plan of salvation, I know my family can be together forever. Yet, I fear I will loose my families love and support. The last thing I want, is to convey selfishness because I stay in the mission field if one of these instances occur. I am afraid of what could come, and even more afraid to not be there for them when it happens. I have prayed for understanding of this fear, and the only thing I can come up with is that I am human, and I will find things that are unsettling.
I have had to accept this. It could happen. It might not. Prayer is not meant to change Heavenly Fathers will, it is meant to allow ourselves to come into alignment with His will for us. It may not be God's will that my uncle is healed, or that my brother gets his lung transplant. I don't know what His plan is for them. But I do know, that He is not any less mindful of them while they suffer affliction. I know God's plan is beautiful and I may not be able to understand it. It has been difficult to accept these fears and exercise my faith, but I am doing it, and dropping many sincere prayers along the way.
Be Bold
Last night in institute, we talked about sharing the gospel and how it is a lot like fly fishing. We need to use 'Mormon words' and get people to ask questions. For instance:
A non member friend, co worker, or family member asks, "What did you do this weekend?''
Your response? "Oh! My weekend was great, I went visiting teaching! And tonight, I have Family Home Evening!"
Anyone unfamiliar with these terms is obviously going to ask questions. People all over are searching for the truth, and know not where to find it. We have the answers, and we need to make a serious effort to share this amazing gospel. When Christ comes, and He will, think about all the people who knew we were Mormon. They will learn that we had the truth, and we never opened our mouths and told them about it.
We cant be afraid of rejection, because rejection will occur sometimes. Just get over that...
We need to be planting those mustard seeds, and being more bold with our religion. God helped us bring fourth this country. America was founded and built upon religious freedom. Why? So Joseph Smith could have the freedom to kneel down in a grove of trees and the restoration of the gospel could be brought fourth. We don't check our religion at the door, and we don't need a name tag to be missionaries. The work is hastening, I know this is a sure fact.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I read a story in mission prep that was about one of the first missionaries to serve, Samuel Smith. He did not baptize anyone on his mission, but he gave away two copies of the Book of Mormon, that later caused a whole neighborhood to be baptized, and one of those copies of the book landed in the hands of Brigham Young, who converted to the church, and later became a prophet! Although Elder Smith did not see the fruits of his labors, God was weaving him in and out, placing him exactly where he needed to be. God sees the whole picture where as we only see one little part.
As I prepare to serve a mission, I am learning to be more bold. More bold in my acceptance and sacrifice, more bold in embracing gospel truths, and more bold in loving my heavenly father enough to teach His children.
I believe in Christ.
We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost-Articles of Faith 1:4
I have been contemplating moving my availability date up, just a few days sooner. Every time I get comfortable with a date, I go crazy trying to find a way to make it happen sooner. I still have no clue if it is an impression from the Lord, telling me to go sooner rather than later, or if it is me being too anxious about serving a mission. Of course I pray about this every time I am reminded (which is like a million times a day), but I still have not seen a clear vision of when I need to leave.
It has hit me recently, that the Lord has already called me to serve a mission. He has already given me confirmation it is what I need to do, and I know he trusts me to teach His children. He needs me on a mission, and it doesn't really matter when my stake president hits the submit button and sends my papers to Salt Lake City, the Lord will send me where He needs me most, and I will leave on His watch, not mine.
Trusting the the Lords timing, and accepting His will for me has been huge on many accounts.
But let me tell you one thing:
I am changing, and becoming truly converted to the gospel.
And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up--D&C 84:88
Christ is the most important person in my life. He is my savior. He has redeemed me from my sins, and Him and I are working together to perfect all my imperfections. I am learning to trust Him, and let Him take me to where ever I am needed.
My faith in Jesus Christ has grown tremendously since choosing to serve a mission.
Things have came my way that I could not do by myself. I have over came things I never thought I would, forgiven when I didn't think I could, and been loved when I did not think I was worthy of His grace.
Christ and His atoning sacrifice have changed the shape of my heart.
I like to imagine my heart being similar to the Grinch, once small and cold, now huge, burning with the light of Christ and His love.
Only Jesus Christ can change a heart for the better. And I am a poster child for the healing power of the atonement.
The past 6 months, almost 7, have been incredible.
I have learned to depend on my faith, and my ever loving Father in heaven, because it is all I really have. I have learned to enlighten my soul with power from on high, allowing myself to become fully encircled in the beauty of the gospel and all of its great tidings.
(skipping a few letters here...)
I testify that God is with us every step of the way. I know He has been guiding me, taking me places I never thought I would be. He is doing the same with you, right now, whether you notice it or not. God lives! And He Loves!
Life is hard. It is confusing. My eyes have surely been opened though, and I can see the path ahead of me slowly shape into the straight and narrow, leading me back to my father.
Embrace your family, embrace the tender mercies. Live the gospel and share it every chance you get.
Know that God loves you, and that His plan is wonderful. It might be like walking in a maze blindfolded, but with faith, and trust, you are being guided, and your eyes may be clouded, but your heart will be purified.
I promise.
<3
Acceptance.
In my particular situation I have came to accept that I will loose almost all of my belongings. I will be sleeping on a couch sharing a one bedroom apartment with my mom. I will have no vacation days, no sick days, and will most likely work right up until I leave for my mission. I will leave this job, knowing perfectly it was the best paying job I have ever had, and I may not find a position quiet like it for a long time to come.
I will have no fun on my expense including: eating out, shopping for things that aren't necessary for a mission, no eye brow waxing, hair cuts, or trips to jump street. Every penny has a place to go. Between covering the medical expenses, paying off my school loan, keeping up on my bills, moving from my apartment to a smaller cheaper one, and having savings to fall back on while I am away, every cent is accounted for. No more facebook, texting, girls nights or institute. No more sleeping in. No more dating. I may even miss out on the chance to be with the guy I fell in love with months ago. Ill miss weddings, birthdays, births...
I have came to accept these things. These are small sacrifices on the scheme of things that I will be giving up in order to serve the Lord for 18 months. It has been relatively easy for me to accept these things, because my desire to serve is so strong. What has been harder to accept though, are things that have been pressed into my head in the last few days.
My Uncle Wayne is very sick with cancer, and has been fighting it for a few years now. A few months ago he was given just a few short weeks to live, but by some grace of God he is still here. He recently had tracheotomy surgery, and things seem to be getting progressively worse. His son (who might as well be my brother) is currently awaiting a lung transplant as he suffers from cystic fibrosis. All of this is happening under the same roof in a small Missouri town.
I simply ignore that this is going on. Every time I allow myself to think about it, my heart breaks, I search the scriptures, and cry, trying to think of what I could possibly do to save their lives and make things better. I have had to recognize that I may loose my uncle, and possibly my brother, while I am away on my mission. This is nearly impossible to accept. I promised myself that unless one of my parents pass away, I will not come home. To make things perfectly clear, I LOVE my family so much, but I love the Lord and this gospel and unless given an extreme circumstance I anticipate serving a full mission. Ill be honest, it is scary to think about. It causes me grief and sorrow. It pains me.
I know about the plan of salvation, I know my family can be together forever. Yet, I fear I will loose my families love and support. The last thing I want, is to convey selfishness because I stay in the mission field if one of these instances occur. I am afraid of what could come, and even more afraid to not be there for them when it happens. I have prayed for understanding of this fear, and the only thing I can come up with is that I am human, and I will find things that are unsettling.
I have had to accept this. It could happen. It might not. Prayer is not meant to change Heavenly Fathers will, it is meant to allow ourselves to come into alignment with His will for us. It may not be God's will that my uncle is healed, or that my brother gets his lung transplant. I don't know what His plan is for them. But I do know, that He is not any less mindful of them while they suffer affliction. I know God's plan is beautiful and I may not be able to understand it. It has been difficult to accept these fears and exercise my faith, but I am doing it, and dropping many sincere prayers along the way.
Be Bold
Last night in institute, we talked about sharing the gospel and how it is a lot like fly fishing. We need to use 'Mormon words' and get people to ask questions. For instance:
A non member friend, co worker, or family member asks, "What did you do this weekend?''
Your response? "Oh! My weekend was great, I went visiting teaching! And tonight, I have Family Home Evening!"
Anyone unfamiliar with these terms is obviously going to ask questions. People all over are searching for the truth, and know not where to find it. We have the answers, and we need to make a serious effort to share this amazing gospel. When Christ comes, and He will, think about all the people who knew we were Mormon. They will learn that we had the truth, and we never opened our mouths and told them about it.
We cant be afraid of rejection, because rejection will occur sometimes. Just get over that...
We need to be planting those mustard seeds, and being more bold with our religion. God helped us bring fourth this country. America was founded and built upon religious freedom. Why? So Joseph Smith could have the freedom to kneel down in a grove of trees and the restoration of the gospel could be brought fourth. We don't check our religion at the door, and we don't need a name tag to be missionaries. The work is hastening, I know this is a sure fact.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I read a story in mission prep that was about one of the first missionaries to serve, Samuel Smith. He did not baptize anyone on his mission, but he gave away two copies of the Book of Mormon, that later caused a whole neighborhood to be baptized, and one of those copies of the book landed in the hands of Brigham Young, who converted to the church, and later became a prophet! Although Elder Smith did not see the fruits of his labors, God was weaving him in and out, placing him exactly where he needed to be. God sees the whole picture where as we only see one little part.
As I prepare to serve a mission, I am learning to be more bold. More bold in my acceptance and sacrifice, more bold in embracing gospel truths, and more bold in loving my heavenly father enough to teach His children.
I believe in Christ.
We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost-Articles of Faith 1:4
I have been contemplating moving my availability date up, just a few days sooner. Every time I get comfortable with a date, I go crazy trying to find a way to make it happen sooner. I still have no clue if it is an impression from the Lord, telling me to go sooner rather than later, or if it is me being too anxious about serving a mission. Of course I pray about this every time I am reminded (which is like a million times a day), but I still have not seen a clear vision of when I need to leave.
It has hit me recently, that the Lord has already called me to serve a mission. He has already given me confirmation it is what I need to do, and I know he trusts me to teach His children. He needs me on a mission, and it doesn't really matter when my stake president hits the submit button and sends my papers to Salt Lake City, the Lord will send me where He needs me most, and I will leave on His watch, not mine.
Trusting the the Lords timing, and accepting His will for me has been huge on many accounts.
But let me tell you one thing:
I am changing, and becoming truly converted to the gospel.
And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up--D&C 84:88
Christ is the most important person in my life. He is my savior. He has redeemed me from my sins, and Him and I are working together to perfect all my imperfections. I am learning to trust Him, and let Him take me to where ever I am needed.
My faith in Jesus Christ has grown tremendously since choosing to serve a mission.
Things have came my way that I could not do by myself. I have over came things I never thought I would, forgiven when I didn't think I could, and been loved when I did not think I was worthy of His grace.
Christ and His atoning sacrifice have changed the shape of my heart.
I like to imagine my heart being similar to the Grinch, once small and cold, now huge, burning with the light of Christ and His love.
Only Jesus Christ can change a heart for the better. And I am a poster child for the healing power of the atonement.
The past 6 months, almost 7, have been incredible.
I have learned to depend on my faith, and my ever loving Father in heaven, because it is all I really have. I have learned to enlighten my soul with power from on high, allowing myself to become fully encircled in the beauty of the gospel and all of its great tidings.
(skipping a few letters here...)
I testify that God is with us every step of the way. I know He has been guiding me, taking me places I never thought I would be. He is doing the same with you, right now, whether you notice it or not. God lives! And He Loves!
Life is hard. It is confusing. My eyes have surely been opened though, and I can see the path ahead of me slowly shape into the straight and narrow, leading me back to my father.
Embrace your family, embrace the tender mercies. Live the gospel and share it every chance you get.
Know that God loves you, and that His plan is wonderful. It might be like walking in a maze blindfolded, but with faith, and trust, you are being guided, and your eyes may be clouded, but your heart will be purified.
I promise.
<3
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Answered Prayers and Gaurdian Angels
This past Tuesday was one of the craziest days I have had in a long time. It wasn't that work was extra hard, or anything in particular was more stressful. I just came to a sudden realization that getting myself to the mission field might be harder than I had anticipated.
My car had stopped running on Sunday. I had been having some problems with the battery, or so I thought. Turns out that the refurbished battery in my car had died two weeks after I had gotten it, and the problem was the alternator, and in order to get that fixed, I needed to replace the battery-and the refurbished replacement wasn't going to do me any good. I needed a new battery but I couldn't afford it, so I swapped out the battery for another refurbished battery free of charge, and let my car sit hopelessly in my parking lot. It would start, but I couldn't risk taking it very far in case it decided to die again.
I was feeling worried. How would I pay to fix the car? I don't want to leave for the mission field, thinking my mom is walking to work every day, or that she is driving an un safe vehicle around. Realistically it isn't something I should worry too much about. It wasn't really my car, I was just using it for the mean time. I could agree to walk or take the bus, and let my mom take care of the problem. I just couldn't do that though, I just couldn't. I agreed to help her out as much as I could to ease some of her stress, and this was something I automatically took upon myself. All day at work I was thinking to myself, How will I get this car fixed with no money? How will I pay off my school loan if I have to fork over $200+ to fix the car? Is this a road block put in my life telling me it is not right to serve a mission? Should I wait to serve a mission until I have everything under control? Will I ever get to serve? I started to panic. I desire so badly to serve a mission. I have been praying for months about serving, I have fasted every fast Sunday to get an answer. The moment I received my answer I made preparing to serve a priority. I made a list of things to do, in order of what needed to be done, made a list of expenses.... Things were going great! I had been offered some help to fund the mission, I talked to my bishop, and things were coming together. Fast!
The car is not that big of a deal. There are people willing to fix it for me, willing to help me pay for things, willing to help my mom and I out. Yet, somehow I could not see the way out. All it seemed to me was that I was standing in front of a hurdle I was too short to get over. All I want to do is serve a mission, and I knew, with everything, that the Lord needed me to serve a mission. The MTC is all I could see. Why was I feeling so discouraged about something so trivial?
On the way home from work on Tuesday, while walking from the bus stop to my apartment, I was praying, very fervently, sincerely, and out loud. I noticed people staring at me as I walked, because it looked like I was talking to myself. I was praying so hard, begging for help, begging to see a way to get me on a mission. I knew God was walking right there with me, I felt his presence, I felt Him listening to my worries. It was the only time that whole day I felt any peace.
I awoke this morning feeling defeated. I was tired, I was frustrated. I was fighting a battle in my head to make myself go to work. I wanted to go back to sleep and stay there. I kept saying "no way is the adversary winning today. I am fighting this, and I am going to win."
I didn't know what my day would be like, but I knew I needed to push through it, and find a tender mercy, because I knew it was there somewhere.
Turns out, God had placed a guardian angel in my life. My car problem is no more a worry. I no longer have to wonder how I am going to pay for it, or how it will be fixed.
I begged for help, I begged for a miracle, and upon His will, He blessed me. A family friend insisted on buying a new battery and a new alternator, just as long as we could find someone willing to do the work. My mom fought a little, but eventually gave in to the offer, realizing it was an answer to both of our prayers.
When my mom told me that we had gotten the help we needed, I heard a small voice tell me "Everything will be okay. You will serve a mission. Trust that I am mindful of you." tears swelled my eyes. I had no idea how I would move past this road block, and I knew that it would only be with the help of heavenly father that I would be able to do it.
God often works through others to answer our prayers and bless us. I am too prideful to really ask for financial help, and when I had reached out to people in and outside of my ward, I had gotten no response. I thought that God was trying to tell me something. I notice now that the adversary was working against me because he doesn't want me to serve a mission and bring others to this happiness. He doesn't want others to know the truth. My faith is too strong to be blown away like a leaf in the wind though, and I was fighting to be on God's side.
Heavenly Father is mindful of his children. He knows what we need, and He knows how to get us to where He needs us to be. I know that we have ministering angels on earth and on the other side of the veil. We have help, and it is everywhere. Sometimes I cant understand but I know it is real and that God is not the only one watching over us. I know that He loves all of us, and that sometimes, all we need to do is trust Him, and have faith. I testify this is true, even though it is difficult. God wont command us to do something without providing a way to help us be successful. When I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, I trusted Him and loved him enough to take my problems to Him, and He showed me the way.
I am so thankful that I am a daughter of God, and that He will provide a way to get me on a mission. I am on the Lords errand every day, and I know I have his help.
I cant believe how blessed I am.
If you want to help donate to my missionary cause visit the page below!
http://www.gofundme.com/futuremissionary
My car had stopped running on Sunday. I had been having some problems with the battery, or so I thought. Turns out that the refurbished battery in my car had died two weeks after I had gotten it, and the problem was the alternator, and in order to get that fixed, I needed to replace the battery-and the refurbished replacement wasn't going to do me any good. I needed a new battery but I couldn't afford it, so I swapped out the battery for another refurbished battery free of charge, and let my car sit hopelessly in my parking lot. It would start, but I couldn't risk taking it very far in case it decided to die again.
I was feeling worried. How would I pay to fix the car? I don't want to leave for the mission field, thinking my mom is walking to work every day, or that she is driving an un safe vehicle around. Realistically it isn't something I should worry too much about. It wasn't really my car, I was just using it for the mean time. I could agree to walk or take the bus, and let my mom take care of the problem. I just couldn't do that though, I just couldn't. I agreed to help her out as much as I could to ease some of her stress, and this was something I automatically took upon myself. All day at work I was thinking to myself, How will I get this car fixed with no money? How will I pay off my school loan if I have to fork over $200+ to fix the car? Is this a road block put in my life telling me it is not right to serve a mission? Should I wait to serve a mission until I have everything under control? Will I ever get to serve? I started to panic. I desire so badly to serve a mission. I have been praying for months about serving, I have fasted every fast Sunday to get an answer. The moment I received my answer I made preparing to serve a priority. I made a list of things to do, in order of what needed to be done, made a list of expenses.... Things were going great! I had been offered some help to fund the mission, I talked to my bishop, and things were coming together. Fast!
The car is not that big of a deal. There are people willing to fix it for me, willing to help me pay for things, willing to help my mom and I out. Yet, somehow I could not see the way out. All it seemed to me was that I was standing in front of a hurdle I was too short to get over. All I want to do is serve a mission, and I knew, with everything, that the Lord needed me to serve a mission. The MTC is all I could see. Why was I feeling so discouraged about something so trivial?
On the way home from work on Tuesday, while walking from the bus stop to my apartment, I was praying, very fervently, sincerely, and out loud. I noticed people staring at me as I walked, because it looked like I was talking to myself. I was praying so hard, begging for help, begging to see a way to get me on a mission. I knew God was walking right there with me, I felt his presence, I felt Him listening to my worries. It was the only time that whole day I felt any peace.
I awoke this morning feeling defeated. I was tired, I was frustrated. I was fighting a battle in my head to make myself go to work. I wanted to go back to sleep and stay there. I kept saying "no way is the adversary winning today. I am fighting this, and I am going to win."
I didn't know what my day would be like, but I knew I needed to push through it, and find a tender mercy, because I knew it was there somewhere.
Turns out, God had placed a guardian angel in my life. My car problem is no more a worry. I no longer have to wonder how I am going to pay for it, or how it will be fixed.
I begged for help, I begged for a miracle, and upon His will, He blessed me. A family friend insisted on buying a new battery and a new alternator, just as long as we could find someone willing to do the work. My mom fought a little, but eventually gave in to the offer, realizing it was an answer to both of our prayers.
When my mom told me that we had gotten the help we needed, I heard a small voice tell me "Everything will be okay. You will serve a mission. Trust that I am mindful of you." tears swelled my eyes. I had no idea how I would move past this road block, and I knew that it would only be with the help of heavenly father that I would be able to do it.
God often works through others to answer our prayers and bless us. I am too prideful to really ask for financial help, and when I had reached out to people in and outside of my ward, I had gotten no response. I thought that God was trying to tell me something. I notice now that the adversary was working against me because he doesn't want me to serve a mission and bring others to this happiness. He doesn't want others to know the truth. My faith is too strong to be blown away like a leaf in the wind though, and I was fighting to be on God's side.
Heavenly Father is mindful of his children. He knows what we need, and He knows how to get us to where He needs us to be. I know that we have ministering angels on earth and on the other side of the veil. We have help, and it is everywhere. Sometimes I cant understand but I know it is real and that God is not the only one watching over us. I know that He loves all of us, and that sometimes, all we need to do is trust Him, and have faith. I testify this is true, even though it is difficult. God wont command us to do something without providing a way to help us be successful. When I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, I trusted Him and loved him enough to take my problems to Him, and He showed me the way.
I am so thankful that I am a daughter of God, and that He will provide a way to get me on a mission. I am on the Lords errand every day, and I know I have his help.
I cant believe how blessed I am.
If you want to help donate to my missionary cause visit the page below!
http://www.gofundme.com/futuremissionary
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
I need prayers.
I have been contemplating when I will make myself available for a mission. Between school, work, and financial things that are keeping me from moving forward, I have been really stressing about when is right to leave.
I came to the conclusion that April 1st is really the soonest I will be available to go, because I pay the last month of rent on my lease March 5th. I have from that week until April 1st to move my mom into a one bedroom apartment that she can afford, or find someone to move into my room and rent it out and help my mom pay the rent.
I am all about deadlines. I need to know how long I have to do something, and when it needs to be done. So, I did the research. According to lds.org, I can submit my paperwork 120 days prior to my availability date, which puts the submission of my mission papers to SLC on December 2nd, 2013. This is the soonest I can submit my papers. If December is when I submit them, then November is when I start preparing them. If all goes according to my plan, I will have received a call by the middle of January, and be gone by the end of April.
So lets just lay this out here.
November 10th (give or take) - Prepare the papers. Get all medical stuff finished by
December 10th - I Submit my missionary recommendation papers into Salt lake City
(giving myself a few extra days to make sure all my interviews are in order)
January 31st- Assuming it takes a little longer than normal due to the huge wave of missionaries, I will hopefully have received a call by this time.
February 23rd- One year as a member. I prepare for the temple any day now!
Hopefully come April I will be in the MTC.
In this small time frame I need to pay off my school loan, a traffic ticket, move, get all my clothing and everything that is necessary for an 18 month mission, fix the alternator in my car that went out on Sunday... I am no where near any of these goals financially, but I know I need to go on a mission.
I have been blessed with friends who are willing to help fund the mission, and a chance to make some money to pay off my school loan in February. But what about my car? without a car I cant attend the mission prep classes, or my meetings for school. What about moving? A year ago we couldn't find an affordable place to go that would take my mom with her credit, how will I have any luck now????
STRESSED does not even begin to describe how I feel right now.
I have been trying to get in some photography sessions, but no one wants to book me. That would be a great and rewarding way to earn some money.
come to find out someone who is new to the photography field, has been bashing me on her facebook, and lots of people have canceled their appointments with me to go to her. I knew this girl briefly in MIDDLE SCHOOL....
When girls older than you, who are married and have children act that way its quiet astonishing. But that is beyond the point. She is taking people who might be willing to help me out, by being unnecessarily mean.
I have been working my butt off at work, trying to be made full time or to earn extra hours, but my boss knows I am preparing to serve a mission, and rumor has it he is not sure what to do with me. Does he let me work as much as I can until I leave? Or does he let me go now, so he can get someone in who is going to stay. Getting extra time seems rather pointless, but I am trying so hard.
I have been praying really hard, keeping my eyes open to options, but so far have seen nothing. So many things are piling up at one time, I can feel the adversary using everything he has got to keep me from going. I refuse to put off serving a mission. Plain and simple. But where do I begin?
I thought I had a plan, and then the car broke down. And my hours started to look whimsy. I have became desperate, crying on my knees EVERY NIGHT praying that some miracle will work its way into my busy life.
I am basically writing this post to rant. I am frustrated, but remaining faithful. I am sad that this is so hard, but that is the proof that I am going where the Lord needs me. Life is not easy. Christ didn't have it easy, why would I have it easy?
I need prayers.
I need help.
I am drowning in this crazy mess. I have no way to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.
Perhaps I am being dramatic, or have been overlooking the answers. I have no idea at this point.
All I know is that I need to serve a mission. It needs to happen soon!
Please pray.
I came to the conclusion that April 1st is really the soonest I will be available to go, because I pay the last month of rent on my lease March 5th. I have from that week until April 1st to move my mom into a one bedroom apartment that she can afford, or find someone to move into my room and rent it out and help my mom pay the rent.
I am all about deadlines. I need to know how long I have to do something, and when it needs to be done. So, I did the research. According to lds.org, I can submit my paperwork 120 days prior to my availability date, which puts the submission of my mission papers to SLC on December 2nd, 2013. This is the soonest I can submit my papers. If December is when I submit them, then November is when I start preparing them. If all goes according to my plan, I will have received a call by the middle of January, and be gone by the end of April.
So lets just lay this out here.
November 10th (give or take) - Prepare the papers. Get all medical stuff finished by
December 10th - I Submit my missionary recommendation papers into Salt lake City
(giving myself a few extra days to make sure all my interviews are in order)
January 31st- Assuming it takes a little longer than normal due to the huge wave of missionaries, I will hopefully have received a call by this time.
February 23rd- One year as a member. I prepare for the temple any day now!
Hopefully come April I will be in the MTC.
In this small time frame I need to pay off my school loan, a traffic ticket, move, get all my clothing and everything that is necessary for an 18 month mission, fix the alternator in my car that went out on Sunday... I am no where near any of these goals financially, but I know I need to go on a mission.
I have been blessed with friends who are willing to help fund the mission, and a chance to make some money to pay off my school loan in February. But what about my car? without a car I cant attend the mission prep classes, or my meetings for school. What about moving? A year ago we couldn't find an affordable place to go that would take my mom with her credit, how will I have any luck now????
STRESSED does not even begin to describe how I feel right now.
I have been trying to get in some photography sessions, but no one wants to book me. That would be a great and rewarding way to earn some money.
come to find out someone who is new to the photography field, has been bashing me on her facebook, and lots of people have canceled their appointments with me to go to her. I knew this girl briefly in MIDDLE SCHOOL....
When girls older than you, who are married and have children act that way its quiet astonishing. But that is beyond the point. She is taking people who might be willing to help me out, by being unnecessarily mean.
I have been working my butt off at work, trying to be made full time or to earn extra hours, but my boss knows I am preparing to serve a mission, and rumor has it he is not sure what to do with me. Does he let me work as much as I can until I leave? Or does he let me go now, so he can get someone in who is going to stay. Getting extra time seems rather pointless, but I am trying so hard.
I have been praying really hard, keeping my eyes open to options, but so far have seen nothing. So many things are piling up at one time, I can feel the adversary using everything he has got to keep me from going. I refuse to put off serving a mission. Plain and simple. But where do I begin?
I thought I had a plan, and then the car broke down. And my hours started to look whimsy. I have became desperate, crying on my knees EVERY NIGHT praying that some miracle will work its way into my busy life.
I am basically writing this post to rant. I am frustrated, but remaining faithful. I am sad that this is so hard, but that is the proof that I am going where the Lord needs me. Life is not easy. Christ didn't have it easy, why would I have it easy?
I need prayers.
I need help.
I am drowning in this crazy mess. I have no way to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.
Perhaps I am being dramatic, or have been overlooking the answers. I have no idea at this point.
All I know is that I need to serve a mission. It needs to happen soon!
Please pray.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Fear, doubt and faith.... they dont mix
It is natural to doubt. Doubt is really apart of faith. At one point I doubted the Book of Mormons authenticity, I doubted the church, and look at me now! I have doubted myself and my abilities, and because of my new found faith, I have overcame them.
Yes, doubt is a tool of the adversary, and yes, we know God doesn't give us doubt. But we are human, we are imperfect, and we are out in the open for the adversary to grab us. Even Sariah, Lehi's wife, demonstrates some doubt in the beginning of the Book of Mormon. She fears her children perished in the wilderness, and she did not receive a witness until after the trial of her faith, when her sons returned safely with the plates in hand.
If anyone is reading this blog and thinking,"wow, I have never felt afraid or full of doubt, the adversary must have never had an effect on me!" I would love to speak with you, and find out how you move forward so perfectly, and stay out of Satan's grasp. Then, I will tell you that I know you are bluffing!
I am sure at some point we all have felt afraid to move forward in faith. After all, we read in Alma 32:21, that faith is hoping for things which are not seen, but are true. Sometimes taking a step in the dark, is scary. We are afraid we are going to trip and fall, hurt ourselves and never find the light switch. My choice to serve a mission has kind of been like that.
I can feel the adversary at his best, let me tell ya.
I prayed for months to receive an answer. I really do want to serve, and I want to know what God's will is for me. Telling people about my choice has been for the most part happy. My friends, and my bishop have been overwhelmingly supportive about my choice. I think Bishop Reynolds even used the term 'tickled pink' to describe how he felt. My mom, sad about the missionary rules of contacting home, and a little scared, is for the most part supportive. She will really have an empty nest when I leave, and it will take getting use to. It makes me feel sad, that it will be so hard on her. She is not a member of the church, and without the testimony of missionary service and the understanding of its importance, watching her daughter leave to serve the Lord for 18 months will bring up a lot of emotion. To be honest, I fear she will blame the church for 'taking' me away from her, so I am doing the best I can to explain that this is my choice, and the Lord's will for me. Over time, she will see how happy I am, and how much good I am doing. Or at least I can have faith the Lord will make his hand obvious in her life, while I am away. I love my mom so much, and leaving her will be the hardest thing for me to do--but the Lord's way is not always the easiest way. As I read in 1 Nephi 3:7, the lord has prepared a way for me to follow his command, and part of that preparation, is making sure she is taken care of; and my baby kitty too.
I have been letting go of the fears this past week. Leaving my mom, and my kitty, my friends, and my relationship,... My job was one of the things that was holding me back too. I am making good money, getting good training I haven't been able to find anywhere else, and I worked so hard for so long to get here. years actually. I love being a dental assistant, I love my pay checks, my schedule, and even though my doctor drives me crazy, I love the guy too. I have been talking to my co workers about the possibility of a mission for quiet some time. Today when I came in, I told Roberta that I had made my final choice, and I was going to serve, the look of sheer panic came over her.
"What about me!? you cant leave me all alone in this office!"
"What does this mean? When do you leave?"
I felt bad. I felt like I was leaving everyone in the office hanging by a string when I told them. I don't know when exactly I leave, nor do I know where I am going or when I will actually leave work and turn in my notice. I have been in charge of stuff in the office no one really knows how to do. It was a bit of a nightmare. I still have yet to tell my boss... I probably wont tell him until I send in my papers in a few months.
I felt sad when I sent in the request for the office picture to be printed to hang in our office. There I am, part of the team, and it has taken me months to feel that way. Not too far from now, the picture will have to be replaced, because I will no longer be here. Am I really giving up something I worked so hard for, to leave it all?
yep. I sure am.
This is hard. This is terrifying. I start my count down Friday, as I begin studying Doctrine and Covenants, one section a day, until President Jones hits the 'submit' button and my papers go to salt lake. The realization is hitting me a bit more every day. Sometimes in waves of excitement, as I read missionary letters I receive. I read emails and blogs from the friends I have currently serving, and I fall in love with missionary work. My mind travels to the not so distant future, where I am crashing on my bike, getting doors slammed in my face, and teaching with the spirit to everyone I meet. I am excited!
But then, I think about packing, and the final days leading up to my departure out of Colorado.
I think about the tears I will shed when I say good bye to my family and friends. I think about the day I walk out of my work building for the last time.
I have heard some people say, "don't worry, you have plenty of time. You don't prepare your papers until December, that is only 4 months away."
What on earth are they talking about.
I have so much to do between now and January when my papers are in. That is not a lot of time. AT ALL. And anyone who has made the choice to serve, especially sisters, knows how scary and difficult the choice can be.
In my scripture studies the past couple of days, I have seen so many connections to missionary service. The Lord is doing what is necessary to prepare me for this endeavor. I am scared, but He is confirming to me that this is right for me-- and I have found some peace in the midst of it all. I am happy and anxious, and I have been given a timeline, and an order, to keep me occupied and on top of things, to help ease the nerves.
I have been given help to fund my mission, just when I feared I would not have any opportunity to go because of money. Heavenly Father is SO mindful of me. The truth is, He is mindful of all His children, and He knows exactly what they need. My faith will deliver me from fear and doubt; I know this is true.
I know this church is true. Despite what many will say, no matter how often I get rejected and scoffed at, I know this gospel is real.
Christ did not have it easy, this we all know. As a representative of Christ, I will be of no exception.
This will be the hardest thing I ever do.
But I will be blessed, and as I stand up for God and His gospel, He will be on my right hand and on my left, gently guiding me to whom He has prepared.
I am ready for this. Almost. (:
Yes, doubt is a tool of the adversary, and yes, we know God doesn't give us doubt. But we are human, we are imperfect, and we are out in the open for the adversary to grab us. Even Sariah, Lehi's wife, demonstrates some doubt in the beginning of the Book of Mormon. She fears her children perished in the wilderness, and she did not receive a witness until after the trial of her faith, when her sons returned safely with the plates in hand.
If anyone is reading this blog and thinking,"wow, I have never felt afraid or full of doubt, the adversary must have never had an effect on me!" I would love to speak with you, and find out how you move forward so perfectly, and stay out of Satan's grasp. Then, I will tell you that I know you are bluffing!
I am sure at some point we all have felt afraid to move forward in faith. After all, we read in Alma 32:21, that faith is hoping for things which are not seen, but are true. Sometimes taking a step in the dark, is scary. We are afraid we are going to trip and fall, hurt ourselves and never find the light switch. My choice to serve a mission has kind of been like that.
I can feel the adversary at his best, let me tell ya.
I prayed for months to receive an answer. I really do want to serve, and I want to know what God's will is for me. Telling people about my choice has been for the most part happy. My friends, and my bishop have been overwhelmingly supportive about my choice. I think Bishop Reynolds even used the term 'tickled pink' to describe how he felt. My mom, sad about the missionary rules of contacting home, and a little scared, is for the most part supportive. She will really have an empty nest when I leave, and it will take getting use to. It makes me feel sad, that it will be so hard on her. She is not a member of the church, and without the testimony of missionary service and the understanding of its importance, watching her daughter leave to serve the Lord for 18 months will bring up a lot of emotion. To be honest, I fear she will blame the church for 'taking' me away from her, so I am doing the best I can to explain that this is my choice, and the Lord's will for me. Over time, she will see how happy I am, and how much good I am doing. Or at least I can have faith the Lord will make his hand obvious in her life, while I am away. I love my mom so much, and leaving her will be the hardest thing for me to do--but the Lord's way is not always the easiest way. As I read in 1 Nephi 3:7, the lord has prepared a way for me to follow his command, and part of that preparation, is making sure she is taken care of; and my baby kitty too.
I have been letting go of the fears this past week. Leaving my mom, and my kitty, my friends, and my relationship,... My job was one of the things that was holding me back too. I am making good money, getting good training I haven't been able to find anywhere else, and I worked so hard for so long to get here. years actually. I love being a dental assistant, I love my pay checks, my schedule, and even though my doctor drives me crazy, I love the guy too. I have been talking to my co workers about the possibility of a mission for quiet some time. Today when I came in, I told Roberta that I had made my final choice, and I was going to serve, the look of sheer panic came over her.
"What about me!? you cant leave me all alone in this office!"
"What does this mean? When do you leave?"
I felt bad. I felt like I was leaving everyone in the office hanging by a string when I told them. I don't know when exactly I leave, nor do I know where I am going or when I will actually leave work and turn in my notice. I have been in charge of stuff in the office no one really knows how to do. It was a bit of a nightmare. I still have yet to tell my boss... I probably wont tell him until I send in my papers in a few months.
I felt sad when I sent in the request for the office picture to be printed to hang in our office. There I am, part of the team, and it has taken me months to feel that way. Not too far from now, the picture will have to be replaced, because I will no longer be here. Am I really giving up something I worked so hard for, to leave it all?
yep. I sure am.
This is hard. This is terrifying. I start my count down Friday, as I begin studying Doctrine and Covenants, one section a day, until President Jones hits the 'submit' button and my papers go to salt lake. The realization is hitting me a bit more every day. Sometimes in waves of excitement, as I read missionary letters I receive. I read emails and blogs from the friends I have currently serving, and I fall in love with missionary work. My mind travels to the not so distant future, where I am crashing on my bike, getting doors slammed in my face, and teaching with the spirit to everyone I meet. I am excited!
But then, I think about packing, and the final days leading up to my departure out of Colorado.
I think about the tears I will shed when I say good bye to my family and friends. I think about the day I walk out of my work building for the last time.
I have heard some people say, "don't worry, you have plenty of time. You don't prepare your papers until December, that is only 4 months away."
What on earth are they talking about.
I have so much to do between now and January when my papers are in. That is not a lot of time. AT ALL. And anyone who has made the choice to serve, especially sisters, knows how scary and difficult the choice can be.
In my scripture studies the past couple of days, I have seen so many connections to missionary service. The Lord is doing what is necessary to prepare me for this endeavor. I am scared, but He is confirming to me that this is right for me-- and I have found some peace in the midst of it all. I am happy and anxious, and I have been given a timeline, and an order, to keep me occupied and on top of things, to help ease the nerves.
I have been given help to fund my mission, just when I feared I would not have any opportunity to go because of money. Heavenly Father is SO mindful of me. The truth is, He is mindful of all His children, and He knows exactly what they need. My faith will deliver me from fear and doubt; I know this is true.
I know this church is true. Despite what many will say, no matter how often I get rejected and scoffed at, I know this gospel is real.
Christ did not have it easy, this we all know. As a representative of Christ, I will be of no exception.
This will be the hardest thing I ever do.
But I will be blessed, and as I stand up for God and His gospel, He will be on my right hand and on my left, gently guiding me to whom He has prepared.
I am ready for this. Almost. (:
Thursday, August 8, 2013
I hope they call me on a mission
I have been feeling so close to the spirit the last few days, its unreal. After months of praying about whether or not I should serve, I got an answer. Little did I know the Lord has been preparing me this whole time, and I was just overlooking the small and simple things!
Since the moment I became a member of the church I have felt impressed that I should serve. In my defense, I had no idea it was a prompting, because I still hadn't learned how I receive revelation, nor was I listening to what the lord wanted for me-- I still was worrying about my own plan and what I wanted for myself.
I was getting my answer confused, overlooking all the sure signs of my future service, and ignoring them.
Bad Angelena! never ignore or put off a prompting!
It all started when I prayed the hardest I had ever prayed for an answer; I remember crying because I just needed to know! That night, I had a dream, that I was walking in what looked to me like Germany, or Italy, with cobblestone ground and rustic buildings. I went and tracted to a door and a woman answered and invited me in. She went into her kitchen to get some hot drinks, and I had a prompting to pray. I got on my knees, and said a prayer, and when I stood up I walked over to her fire place mantle to see pictures of her family strung about. I had noticed that there was only one picture of a little boy, and a bunch of other children. She came back and we sat on the couch, and I immediately told her about how families can be together forever because of the gospel. She began to cry, and she took my hand and said "I have been praying for an answer, see, my oldest child passed away when he was very young, and I have been in pain ever since." I don't remember the remainder of the dream, but her words are clear as a bell, and the spirit I felt, even asleep, was so surreal. I couldn't stop thinking about my dream. Was it an answer to my prayer I had spoken the night before?
Not too long after that I was called as a ward missionary, to help the missionaries and our members to get excited and fired up about missionary work! I can admit, I did think that maybe there was some coincidence there, and maybe, this was just another sure sign. I remember praying and telling God that if he didn't make it obvious, I was more than likely going to miss my answer and not serve. I can also admit that I was hoping he would disguise my answer a little bit. Serving a mission terrifies me. Being away from home for a year and a half, no facebook, texts, family or friends. No girls nights, no naps, no baby kitty (yeah, I am a cat lady), or anything else. It is a serious commitment, and even though I had committed to give the rest of my life to the Lord at baptism, for some reason, serving him for a 18 months seemed to be more than I could handle.
I kept having feelings that overwhelmed me a little; like preparing for the temple. I knew I should start the process.
I thought that meant prepare for marriage,... can you blame me!?
So I began to date, and lose the mindset of a missionary.
Worst mistake I have made since my baptism.
I noticed I wasn't feeling the guidance of the spirit as often or as strongly, and my judgment seemed to be cloudy. I was struggling to hold my head above water, resist temptation, and feel the fire that I was feeling just weeks before. I began praying to know why on earth I was feeling the way I was, and how I can fix it. I wanted to be burning with the light of Christ again, but I couldn't put my finger on it! It didn't take too long, for me to realize the only thing I was doing differently was preparing myself for a mission. um, DUH! I began to ponder, and question why I was so afraid to serve. What was it that intimidated me so much?
Then I met Josephine, an incredible woman in Michigan, who contacted me after a piece of advice I left on an LDS page on facebook. For whatever reason, out of many who bore their testimony and offered up ways for her to learn more about the church, she contacted ME. I was more than happy to email her back and fourth and answer all her questions to the best of my ability. I didn't notice at the time, but I was sharing the gospel with her like Elder Pedro and Elder Fidika had taught me to do, straight from PMG. I was bearing my testimony, and allowing the spirit to work through me. I was loving how I felt, knowing that I was helping someone find the truth, and that God was happy with my efforts!
Josephine is so golden, she has already read the book of Mormon, and has told me herself she could feel it was true. I felt like a missionary go figure. It took awhile, but I stayed persistent and she met with the missionaries. I knew she was one who the Lord had prepared to accept and receive this gospel. And I was the one who was able to help her find it. I felt such love for her. I could feel how much heavenly father loved her! Her husband and children are even coming around.
At first I thought to myself that this was just how the Lord works sometimes, he prepares people for us, we heed to a prompting and we move forward with our lives.
It occurred to me once the feelings to serve came back, that God was showing me that he has faith in me; that I can serve, and be a blessing to many peoples life. And that is when I received the answer that I should go. I should pray, I should fast, I should prepare... NOW.
While over looking a journal entry back in the beginning of May, I found a pros and cons list of serving a mission. I had more pros than cons, and to be able to feel comfortable with the list of cons, I need to have faith that God will take care of my family while I am gone, and that I will have help through the moments of over shadowing doubt that I have felt before.
It is not about numbers people. I could come home, after a year and a half of spiritually, mentally, and physically exhausting experiences... and not witness one baptism. I could go, and work harder than I ever have before, and see no fruits of my efforts.
But I will come back a changed women. I will come back truly converted to the gospel, and witness the biggest test and trial of my faith...
The reality is, the atonement is real. It has changed my whole course of action, and made me who I am. I am the happiest I have ever been, and that is because of Christ, my savior. As a missionary, its our job to invite others to come unto Christ. I could share the gospel with someone who has never heard it before, but I can also reach out to those who have lost their way.
I want to help bring all God's beloved children back to him. I can promise that God wants to bless us and loves us so much, and I can do so because the Holy Ghost has testified this to me.
I will stand as a witness that God lives.
I am going to serve a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
And there is so much peace that comes to me, to know I have made a choice to follow heavenly fathers map.
Since the moment I became a member of the church I have felt impressed that I should serve. In my defense, I had no idea it was a prompting, because I still hadn't learned how I receive revelation, nor was I listening to what the lord wanted for me-- I still was worrying about my own plan and what I wanted for myself.
I was getting my answer confused, overlooking all the sure signs of my future service, and ignoring them.
It all started when I prayed the hardest I had ever prayed for an answer; I remember crying because I just needed to know! That night, I had a dream, that I was walking in what looked to me like Germany, or Italy, with cobblestone ground and rustic buildings. I went and tracted to a door and a woman answered and invited me in. She went into her kitchen to get some hot drinks, and I had a prompting to pray. I got on my knees, and said a prayer, and when I stood up I walked over to her fire place mantle to see pictures of her family strung about. I had noticed that there was only one picture of a little boy, and a bunch of other children. She came back and we sat on the couch, and I immediately told her about how families can be together forever because of the gospel. She began to cry, and she took my hand and said "I have been praying for an answer, see, my oldest child passed away when he was very young, and I have been in pain ever since." I don't remember the remainder of the dream, but her words are clear as a bell, and the spirit I felt, even asleep, was so surreal. I couldn't stop thinking about my dream. Was it an answer to my prayer I had spoken the night before?
Not too long after that I was called as a ward missionary, to help the missionaries and our members to get excited and fired up about missionary work! I can admit, I did think that maybe there was some coincidence there, and maybe, this was just another sure sign. I remember praying and telling God that if he didn't make it obvious, I was more than likely going to miss my answer and not serve. I can also admit that I was hoping he would disguise my answer a little bit. Serving a mission terrifies me. Being away from home for a year and a half, no facebook, texts, family or friends. No girls nights, no naps, no baby kitty (yeah, I am a cat lady), or anything else. It is a serious commitment, and even though I had committed to give the rest of my life to the Lord at baptism, for some reason, serving him for a 18 months seemed to be more than I could handle.
I kept having feelings that overwhelmed me a little; like preparing for the temple. I knew I should start the process.
I thought that meant prepare for marriage,... can you blame me!?
So I began to date, and lose the mindset of a missionary.
Worst mistake I have made since my baptism.
I noticed I wasn't feeling the guidance of the spirit as often or as strongly, and my judgment seemed to be cloudy. I was struggling to hold my head above water, resist temptation, and feel the fire that I was feeling just weeks before. I began praying to know why on earth I was feeling the way I was, and how I can fix it. I wanted to be burning with the light of Christ again, but I couldn't put my finger on it! It didn't take too long, for me to realize the only thing I was doing differently was preparing myself for a mission. um, DUH! I began to ponder, and question why I was so afraid to serve. What was it that intimidated me so much?
Then I met Josephine, an incredible woman in Michigan, who contacted me after a piece of advice I left on an LDS page on facebook. For whatever reason, out of many who bore their testimony and offered up ways for her to learn more about the church, she contacted ME. I was more than happy to email her back and fourth and answer all her questions to the best of my ability. I didn't notice at the time, but I was sharing the gospel with her like Elder Pedro and Elder Fidika had taught me to do, straight from PMG. I was bearing my testimony, and allowing the spirit to work through me. I was loving how I felt, knowing that I was helping someone find the truth, and that God was happy with my efforts!
Josephine is so golden, she has already read the book of Mormon, and has told me herself she could feel it was true. I felt like a missionary go figure. It took awhile, but I stayed persistent and she met with the missionaries. I knew she was one who the Lord had prepared to accept and receive this gospel. And I was the one who was able to help her find it. I felt such love for her. I could feel how much heavenly father loved her! Her husband and children are even coming around.
At first I thought to myself that this was just how the Lord works sometimes, he prepares people for us, we heed to a prompting and we move forward with our lives.
It occurred to me once the feelings to serve came back, that God was showing me that he has faith in me; that I can serve, and be a blessing to many peoples life. And that is when I received the answer that I should go. I should pray, I should fast, I should prepare... NOW.
While over looking a journal entry back in the beginning of May, I found a pros and cons list of serving a mission. I had more pros than cons, and to be able to feel comfortable with the list of cons, I need to have faith that God will take care of my family while I am gone, and that I will have help through the moments of over shadowing doubt that I have felt before.
It is not about numbers people. I could come home, after a year and a half of spiritually, mentally, and physically exhausting experiences... and not witness one baptism. I could go, and work harder than I ever have before, and see no fruits of my efforts.
But I will come back a changed women. I will come back truly converted to the gospel, and witness the biggest test and trial of my faith...
The reality is, the atonement is real. It has changed my whole course of action, and made me who I am. I am the happiest I have ever been, and that is because of Christ, my savior. As a missionary, its our job to invite others to come unto Christ. I could share the gospel with someone who has never heard it before, but I can also reach out to those who have lost their way.
I want to help bring all God's beloved children back to him. I can promise that God wants to bless us and loves us so much, and I can do so because the Holy Ghost has testified this to me.
I will stand as a witness that God lives.
I am going to serve a mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
And there is so much peace that comes to me, to know I have made a choice to follow heavenly fathers map.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
To serve, or not to serve...
Lately, I have been thinking about serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Yep, 18 months away from home, away from my parents, my friends, my ward, my job...
Ever since I was baptized, I have considered a mission. I prayed about it, received a weird answer that made no sense, and eventually that strong desire tapered off, and I stopped thinking about serving a mission. For a moment, I thought that I should prepare myself for marriage, because the answer I got was "not now" and when I prayed about a date to prepare my papers, my answer was prepare for the temple. Well, what on earth does that mean!? I gave up praying about it for awhile, thinking about Joseph Smith and the lost 116 pages, and I thought to myself, If I keep testing God's answers, I am going to get something I don't want; something He may not want for me. So, I started dating, and filled my time focusing less and less on sharing the gospel. I noticed when I made the choice to stop preparing to serve a mission, I seemed to go around, not noticing missionary opportunities, and feeling less of the fire that I was feeling. I took this matter to my Father in heaven, and asked why I was feeling less fired up. I remember sitting on my bed, praying for an answer. I waited quietly with my journal in my lap and a pen in my hand, ready to write down whatever promptings came to me. I felt impressed to make a list of things I was doing and to compare them with the present moment. The first thing I wrote down was that I was preparing to serve a mission! Now, of course this was something I noticed on my own, whether it was an answer to my prayers I still don't know. It sat pretty strong in my heart that the most powerful time in my life was when I was considering a mission.
Something that keeps me from wanting to serve a mission is marriage and the opportunity to do so. I have always wanted to get married. Now that I understand that marriage is huge part of the plan of salvation, I desire this thing even more. Having said that though, I have felt impressed upon me for some time now, that the Lord really could use me and my example to bring others unto Christ. It is important as a disciple of Christ, to do what the lord asks you to do. Willingly submitting to his commands, brings the greatest blessings to your life, and His plan for you is always better than your own plan.
On Sunday I fasted about this matter, trying once more to receive some sort of guidance to help me make a choice. As a sister I can serve at any time as long as I am not married, and I have been asking myself the pressing question: to serve or not to serve. I worry about a few things when I think about leaving... What about my mom? How will she hold up if she doesn't have me around for a year and a half? Living in a different state for school or a job is different than serving a mission. There are texts and phone calls, on a regular basis, and even coming back to visit. While on a mission there are emails and letters yes, and a couple calls, maybe 3 depending on when I left and how mothers day and Christmas fall... but that is it! I think about my poor baby kitty. Yes, worrying about my pet is a stupid thing to worry about, but anyone that knows me knows very well, she is practically my child. I have had her since she was a tiny kitten, and her companionship was a tender mercy during a really rough time in my life. I hear horror stories of peoples favorite pets passing away while they were on their mission. What if she gets so depressed she dies? I would be so sad, and as silly as it is, maybe even heart broken. I always get a weird gut feeling when I think about these things. I can picture myself getting home sick, and wanting to go home, but I would hate myself for doing so! Are these valid reasons to not serve the Lord?
A recent missionary experience has brought me to feel such a strong love for people I can serve, and has made me want to be a missionary some day. I have changed my own life because of the gospel, why wouldn't I want to share this with others?
While thinking about the spirit I felt when I shared the gospel with Josephine(I mention her in my last post, she is the person I am helping learn about the gospel), I feel such a desire to do this full time. The fear of serving a mission dissipates a little, and I feel more excited and sure... I know I want to help others come unto Christ, and feel the way I do!
During a spiritual thought at FHE last night, Sarah (our relief society president and a wonderful woman in our ward) said something about answers to prayers, and how we can make a choice to do something and God will either help us get there or give us a stupor of thought to help us think about the choice we made, and help us see its not what we should do. I have been in this deep thought for awhile now, and wanted to blog to get it off my chest. Watch out world, I very well might be serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints!
Ever since I was baptized, I have considered a mission. I prayed about it, received a weird answer that made no sense, and eventually that strong desire tapered off, and I stopped thinking about serving a mission. For a moment, I thought that I should prepare myself for marriage, because the answer I got was "not now" and when I prayed about a date to prepare my papers, my answer was prepare for the temple. Well, what on earth does that mean!? I gave up praying about it for awhile, thinking about Joseph Smith and the lost 116 pages, and I thought to myself, If I keep testing God's answers, I am going to get something I don't want; something He may not want for me. So, I started dating, and filled my time focusing less and less on sharing the gospel. I noticed when I made the choice to stop preparing to serve a mission, I seemed to go around, not noticing missionary opportunities, and feeling less of the fire that I was feeling. I took this matter to my Father in heaven, and asked why I was feeling less fired up. I remember sitting on my bed, praying for an answer. I waited quietly with my journal in my lap and a pen in my hand, ready to write down whatever promptings came to me. I felt impressed to make a list of things I was doing and to compare them with the present moment. The first thing I wrote down was that I was preparing to serve a mission! Now, of course this was something I noticed on my own, whether it was an answer to my prayers I still don't know. It sat pretty strong in my heart that the most powerful time in my life was when I was considering a mission.
Something that keeps me from wanting to serve a mission is marriage and the opportunity to do so. I have always wanted to get married. Now that I understand that marriage is huge part of the plan of salvation, I desire this thing even more. Having said that though, I have felt impressed upon me for some time now, that the Lord really could use me and my example to bring others unto Christ. It is important as a disciple of Christ, to do what the lord asks you to do. Willingly submitting to his commands, brings the greatest blessings to your life, and His plan for you is always better than your own plan.
On Sunday I fasted about this matter, trying once more to receive some sort of guidance to help me make a choice. As a sister I can serve at any time as long as I am not married, and I have been asking myself the pressing question: to serve or not to serve. I worry about a few things when I think about leaving... What about my mom? How will she hold up if she doesn't have me around for a year and a half? Living in a different state for school or a job is different than serving a mission. There are texts and phone calls, on a regular basis, and even coming back to visit. While on a mission there are emails and letters yes, and a couple calls, maybe 3 depending on when I left and how mothers day and Christmas fall... but that is it! I think about my poor baby kitty. Yes, worrying about my pet is a stupid thing to worry about, but anyone that knows me knows very well, she is practically my child. I have had her since she was a tiny kitten, and her companionship was a tender mercy during a really rough time in my life. I hear horror stories of peoples favorite pets passing away while they were on their mission. What if she gets so depressed she dies? I would be so sad, and as silly as it is, maybe even heart broken. I always get a weird gut feeling when I think about these things. I can picture myself getting home sick, and wanting to go home, but I would hate myself for doing so! Are these valid reasons to not serve the Lord?
A recent missionary experience has brought me to feel such a strong love for people I can serve, and has made me want to be a missionary some day. I have changed my own life because of the gospel, why wouldn't I want to share this with others?
While thinking about the spirit I felt when I shared the gospel with Josephine(I mention her in my last post, she is the person I am helping learn about the gospel), I feel such a desire to do this full time. The fear of serving a mission dissipates a little, and I feel more excited and sure... I know I want to help others come unto Christ, and feel the way I do!
During a spiritual thought at FHE last night, Sarah (our relief society president and a wonderful woman in our ward) said something about answers to prayers, and how we can make a choice to do something and God will either help us get there or give us a stupor of thought to help us think about the choice we made, and help us see its not what we should do. I have been in this deep thought for awhile now, and wanted to blog to get it off my chest. Watch out world, I very well might be serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
The work is hastening! Spread the word!
There has been an uproar in missionary work; Soon we will have 100,000 missionaries out in the field, sharing this gospel to every nation, kindred tongue and people. The Lords work is absolutely hastening, you cant deny it!
I have a personal testimony I want to share today; Sharing the gospel brings so many blessings into your life, as well as those you share it with! When I was first baptized, I was talking to everyone that crossed my path about the gospel, telling them everything I knew, trying to be an example of the believers. As I continue on my conversion journey, I gain a better understanding of how important it is to share the gospel, and do what I can to build up Gods Kingdom.
I started using the internet as a way I can share the gospel. I have liked almost every LDS friendly page that has came across facebook, sharing statuses and pictures I love that cause me to feel the spirit. I recently had a prayer answered through facebook, via an LDS page. I believe that the Lord has given us these things to help the work move along, and this is why:
About a month ago, a person interested in the church had posted on one of these pages about how she loved the kind and loving words she was reading, and how they uplifted her spirit. She wanted to know more about the church, but didn't know where to begin. A bunch of people began to comment bearing their testimony of the church, but no one was offering up advice on how she can come to learn more! Automatically, I responded with a link to Mormon.org, explaining she can request the missionaries come visit her, or she can even chat with one live. I then told her that this is what I did, and that I didn't regret a single second of my experience of investigating the church, and that I came to know it was true and was thankful for the resources we have to share the gospel. Almost immediately, she sent me a private message and began to ask me a few questions about the gospel. Then she told me her story.
Josephine was born and raised in the Catholic church, and all through out her life she was feeling as if there was a huge missing piece to her puzzle. One day, when experiencing some serious hardship, she came home to find a tattered and beaten up Book of Mormon on her door step. She did not know where it came from or who put it there, but she picked it up, and read it! The spirit immediately testified to her it was true, but it was so different than what she grew up with. Not knowing what to do about the spirit she felt, she made sure that she cherished the book, and even kept it close to her side.
I have been in constant communication with Josephine, answering all her questions, and she has finally worked up the courage to talk to the missionaries! Finding her and becoming her friend has been such a blessing. I feel like a missionary when we talk. She has Christ in her countenance, and her testimony is so beautiful. I am watching her grow, and seeing first hand, how the gospel really does change lives and bless them immeasurably! I cant begin to describe the strong spirit I feel when I have shared the gospel with her, and other people. It has blessed me so much, and I know that this is the Lord's work!
This experience has pushed me to keep sharing the gospel. It has kept me commited to updating my blog, and sharing it on all those pages and groups, doing what I can to spread the word and share my testimony of this gospel. Our late Prophet, Spencer W Kimbell once said, "I feel the Lord has placed, in a very natural way within our circles of friends and acquaintances, many persons who are ready to enter into his Church. We ask that you prayerfully identify those persons and then ask the Lord’s assistance in helping you introduce them to the gospel". When I heard this quote for the first time, I really felt the spirit move me to make a bigger effort to spread the good news. I know for a fact that this is true, and the Lord has prepared someone, or even many people, for us to find and bring unto his fold. We don't need to be set apart as missionaries and wearing a name tag to prayerfully identify the elect and share the gospel. If the gospel makes us happy, why wouldn't we want to share this happiness with others? If we are doing the Lords errand, we are promised his help, so what is there to loose?!
I love the scripture in D&C 18:15-16 that states:
I have a personal testimony I want to share today; Sharing the gospel brings so many blessings into your life, as well as those you share it with! When I was first baptized, I was talking to everyone that crossed my path about the gospel, telling them everything I knew, trying to be an example of the believers. As I continue on my conversion journey, I gain a better understanding of how important it is to share the gospel, and do what I can to build up Gods Kingdom.
I started using the internet as a way I can share the gospel. I have liked almost every LDS friendly page that has came across facebook, sharing statuses and pictures I love that cause me to feel the spirit. I recently had a prayer answered through facebook, via an LDS page. I believe that the Lord has given us these things to help the work move along, and this is why:
About a month ago, a person interested in the church had posted on one of these pages about how she loved the kind and loving words she was reading, and how they uplifted her spirit. She wanted to know more about the church, but didn't know where to begin. A bunch of people began to comment bearing their testimony of the church, but no one was offering up advice on how she can come to learn more! Automatically, I responded with a link to Mormon.org, explaining she can request the missionaries come visit her, or she can even chat with one live. I then told her that this is what I did, and that I didn't regret a single second of my experience of investigating the church, and that I came to know it was true and was thankful for the resources we have to share the gospel. Almost immediately, she sent me a private message and began to ask me a few questions about the gospel. Then she told me her story.
Josephine was born and raised in the Catholic church, and all through out her life she was feeling as if there was a huge missing piece to her puzzle. One day, when experiencing some serious hardship, she came home to find a tattered and beaten up Book of Mormon on her door step. She did not know where it came from or who put it there, but she picked it up, and read it! The spirit immediately testified to her it was true, but it was so different than what she grew up with. Not knowing what to do about the spirit she felt, she made sure that she cherished the book, and even kept it close to her side.
I have been in constant communication with Josephine, answering all her questions, and she has finally worked up the courage to talk to the missionaries! Finding her and becoming her friend has been such a blessing. I feel like a missionary when we talk. She has Christ in her countenance, and her testimony is so beautiful. I am watching her grow, and seeing first hand, how the gospel really does change lives and bless them immeasurably! I cant begin to describe the strong spirit I feel when I have shared the gospel with her, and other people. It has blessed me so much, and I know that this is the Lord's work!
This experience has pushed me to keep sharing the gospel. It has kept me commited to updating my blog, and sharing it on all those pages and groups, doing what I can to spread the word and share my testimony of this gospel. Our late Prophet, Spencer W Kimbell once said, "I feel the Lord has placed, in a very natural way within our circles of friends and acquaintances, many persons who are ready to enter into his Church. We ask that you prayerfully identify those persons and then ask the Lord’s assistance in helping you introduce them to the gospel". When I heard this quote for the first time, I really felt the spirit move me to make a bigger effort to spread the good news. I know for a fact that this is true, and the Lord has prepared someone, or even many people, for us to find and bring unto his fold. We don't need to be set apart as missionaries and wearing a name tag to prayerfully identify the elect and share the gospel. If the gospel makes us happy, why wouldn't we want to share this happiness with others? If we are doing the Lords errand, we are promised his help, so what is there to loose?!
I love the scripture in D&C 18:15-16 that states:
“And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
“And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!”
Sharing the gospel brings you so much peace and many blessings, and the people we share the gospel with can come to know their savior, and that is the ultimate blessing. I know that the missionaries who have shared the good news of the restored gospel with me have changed and blessed my life innumerably. When I was baptized, I made a commitment to take upon me the name of Jesus Christ, and part of this baptismal covenant I made, was to share the promised blessings I have been given with everyone.
This gospel has really changed my life, and I know that if you ask God if the Book of Mormon is true, with a open and sincere heart, with faith in His son Jesus Christ, the truth of it will be made manifest unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost. I know this, because I kneeled to pray, and I asked God the Father if this was true, and He told me it was. I feel its truth every day, I feel its grace every moment of my life. I know its real. I know my redeemer lives, and I pray that everyone can come to truly know their savior like I have. I challenge everyone to share the gospel with someone this week. Give a pass along card to a neighbor, invite someone to church, give a friend the Book of Mormon. This is our job as members of the church, and if we love and live the gospel, we will be a bright light to those who are in search of the truth!
here are some links to share with a friend, or even in a facebook status to help share this glorious gospel!!
www.mormon.org
www.lds.org
www.mormonconvertstestify.org << My conversion story and testimony are published on this website!
here are some links to share with a friend, or even in a facebook status to help share this glorious gospel!!
www.mormon.org
www.lds.org
www.mormonconvertstestify.org << My conversion story and testimony are published on this website!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
I am a daughter of God
Something changes inside of you once you realize the truth of being a child of God.
Heavenly Father really does love each of His children more than any of us can imagine, and that love is so powerful. As a daughter of God, I am such a unique individual. Knowing that I am good enough for His love and mercy, is really changing something inside of me.
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years of my life. The false security left me longing for love, and holding on hopelessly to something that wasn't right for me. My unique situation lead me to investigate the church in the first place, looking for God and His love. When it finally came time to face my insecurities, and break off the relationship, I was in a desperate search to know that God really did exist. I always wondered how my Heavenly father could let me go through something so horrible, and destructive to the little self esteem I had. Looking back I realize that if it weren't for that experience, and all I learned from it, I wouldn't be a member of the church, and I would not have such a strong testimony of Gods divine and infinite love. My patriarchal blessing even explains this to a way that touches my soul so deeply, I KNOW THAT I AM LOVED.
As women in todays world, we struggle with our physical bodies, hating every inch of what we have, envying the looks on magazine covers.
As members of the church we know that God gave us this physical body. We have arms, legs, eyes to see, hearts to feel. Our bodies are gifts, they are temples to house the spirit of the Lord within us, and like the temples we go and worship in, we should be treating them with the upmost respect.
I was told by that nasty ex boyfriend of mine, on a constant basis, that I am fat, ugly worthless and useless. It didn't take me long to start believing these things. Once I escaped the relationship, I walked around with this false perception of myself.
As I think of the term "my body is a temple" I gain more respect for my body, and who I am. God made me exactly how I am, every flaw, every hair on my head. He thinks I am beautiful, and he loves me more than any man that I will ever date or fall in love with. Sometimes our insecurities fall in the hands of the men who broke our hearts, and part of my journey in this gospel, is learning that God loves me more than any man can. Being good enough for Heavenly Father has helped me respect and love myself more. Its helped me set my standards on a higher ground, and forgive myself for mistakes and imperfections I carry with me. To take a gift from God, and nourish it, brings a lot more self worth into our lives. How we perceive ourselves does matter, and how we love ourselves can determine where we stand with our testimonies in the gospel.
I am noticing a change in myself, a change I have been praying for, which is coming slowly but surely, as I grow in my conversion.
I truly know that I am a divine daughter of Father in Heaven, and because of this, I deserve to find someone who loves me exactly as I am. Someone who is blessed with the ability to see me as my Father sees me. Someone who cherishes me as a daughter in heaven, and loves Christ more than anything. I am learning, every day, to accept the love I have been blessed with, to open myself up to the blessings God has given me, and to no longer fear; Because God has put me on this very path, so I can be happy.
This gospel has completely erased the old Angelena. It has changed everything that was not good, virtuous or lovable. It has made me a woman, with eyes wide open to the real change of heart this gospel brings people like me. Christ and His atonement has saved my life. It has saved everything that was amazing in me, and brought it back to life. I know that I am a beloved daughter of God. I know that I am loved beyond compare, and everything that I am now, is because of this simple truth.
I just want to bear my testimony today, that God really does love you. He wants to bless you. If we allow Christ into our lives, and if we can learn to live the gospel, things start to happen that we never imagined could! Lives CHANGE. Hearts CHANGE. God is so good. I know this gospel was restored upon the earth, and because it was restored, we all can find joy, peace and a fullness of blessings within ourselves and our lives. I want to express my deep love for all the daughters of God; You are beautiful. You are worthy of this Love, so go chase it. Never settle for less than you are worth, and remember that you are worth millions in the eyes of God.
Heavenly Father really does love each of His children more than any of us can imagine, and that love is so powerful. As a daughter of God, I am such a unique individual. Knowing that I am good enough for His love and mercy, is really changing something inside of me.
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years of my life. The false security left me longing for love, and holding on hopelessly to something that wasn't right for me. My unique situation lead me to investigate the church in the first place, looking for God and His love. When it finally came time to face my insecurities, and break off the relationship, I was in a desperate search to know that God really did exist. I always wondered how my Heavenly father could let me go through something so horrible, and destructive to the little self esteem I had. Looking back I realize that if it weren't for that experience, and all I learned from it, I wouldn't be a member of the church, and I would not have such a strong testimony of Gods divine and infinite love. My patriarchal blessing even explains this to a way that touches my soul so deeply, I KNOW THAT I AM LOVED.
As women in todays world, we struggle with our physical bodies, hating every inch of what we have, envying the looks on magazine covers.
As members of the church we know that God gave us this physical body. We have arms, legs, eyes to see, hearts to feel. Our bodies are gifts, they are temples to house the spirit of the Lord within us, and like the temples we go and worship in, we should be treating them with the upmost respect.
I was told by that nasty ex boyfriend of mine, on a constant basis, that I am fat, ugly worthless and useless. It didn't take me long to start believing these things. Once I escaped the relationship, I walked around with this false perception of myself.
As I think of the term "my body is a temple" I gain more respect for my body, and who I am. God made me exactly how I am, every flaw, every hair on my head. He thinks I am beautiful, and he loves me more than any man that I will ever date or fall in love with. Sometimes our insecurities fall in the hands of the men who broke our hearts, and part of my journey in this gospel, is learning that God loves me more than any man can. Being good enough for Heavenly Father has helped me respect and love myself more. Its helped me set my standards on a higher ground, and forgive myself for mistakes and imperfections I carry with me. To take a gift from God, and nourish it, brings a lot more self worth into our lives. How we perceive ourselves does matter, and how we love ourselves can determine where we stand with our testimonies in the gospel.
I am noticing a change in myself, a change I have been praying for, which is coming slowly but surely, as I grow in my conversion.
I truly know that I am a divine daughter of Father in Heaven, and because of this, I deserve to find someone who loves me exactly as I am. Someone who is blessed with the ability to see me as my Father sees me. Someone who cherishes me as a daughter in heaven, and loves Christ more than anything. I am learning, every day, to accept the love I have been blessed with, to open myself up to the blessings God has given me, and to no longer fear; Because God has put me on this very path, so I can be happy.
This gospel has completely erased the old Angelena. It has changed everything that was not good, virtuous or lovable. It has made me a woman, with eyes wide open to the real change of heart this gospel brings people like me. Christ and His atonement has saved my life. It has saved everything that was amazing in me, and brought it back to life. I know that I am a beloved daughter of God. I know that I am loved beyond compare, and everything that I am now, is because of this simple truth.
I just want to bear my testimony today, that God really does love you. He wants to bless you. If we allow Christ into our lives, and if we can learn to live the gospel, things start to happen that we never imagined could! Lives CHANGE. Hearts CHANGE. God is so good. I know this gospel was restored upon the earth, and because it was restored, we all can find joy, peace and a fullness of blessings within ourselves and our lives. I want to express my deep love for all the daughters of God; You are beautiful. You are worthy of this Love, so go chase it. Never settle for less than you are worth, and remember that you are worth millions in the eyes of God.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
An overlooked sacrifice: The power of the atonement
NEWSFLASH: We are all sinners! No one is perfect and not a single one of us walks around sinless. SURPRISE!
Our God is very strict. He does not change His mind. He is the same yesterday, tomorrow and forever. God has not changed and neither have His requirements to enter His kingdom. No unclean thing can dwell with God, not one. Yet, He wants all of his children to return to live with him after this life. How is this possible? Sinning makes us unclean and unworthy to dwell in his kingdom, and we are so imperfect that it is IMPOSSIBLE for us to perfectly live Gods commandments. Even when we do our very best we still fall short one way or another. No one has ever lived a perfect life. Except, our Savior, Jesus Christ.
We have accepted Christ as the Son of God. We know He was perfect, walked on water, and fed hundreds with one piece of bread. We accept Christ as our Savior at baptism, making a promise to always remember Christ and take upon us His holy name. However, sometimes we get overwhelmed, and overlook what He really has done for us. His atonement allows us to be perfect RIGHT NOW. We alone can never be perfect, but if we form a personal relationship with Christ, and make him our better half, we can have perfection through Christ. As a convert I have recently been struggling with this concept, and I am sure many other members of the church have too! While reading the book, Believing Christ, by, Stephen E Robinson, I have grasped a large portion of the atonement that I have been missing.
There are two things that have stuck with me since reading this book, and I am writing this blog to expand on my feelings about them.
In Isiah 1:18 it says, "Come now, and let us reason together saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Robinson explains this scripture so brilliantly! He continues to expand on Isiah 1:18. The Lord is saying here, " It doesnt matter what you did. Whatever it was, no matter how horrible or vile, is not the issue. The issue here is whatever your sin was or is, I can erase it, I can clean you up and make you innocent, pure, and worthy, and I can do it today; I can do it now!"
This is the incredible power of the atonement! I feel sometimes we over look this point: Christ can save us. He can help us be perfect. He can make us perfect, by allowing Him into our lives and making him our better half. We can not save ourselves. I have learned this myself! Without Christ, I was drowning in a pool of my own sorrow, and I could not swim. Note, I am a very good swimmer! God loves us so much he gave us his only begotten son. The atonement is the single greatest gift given to us, one that we can not pay back. Unless, we utilize it daily, and humbly ask for the Lord's help.
Sometimes as a convert, I feel this extra pressure to be a really awesome member of the church. I try really hard to be a good example, and sometimes, I take everything upon my shoulders. I share the gospel as much as I can, I attend every activity (I have maybe missed 4 since I was baptized), I give rides to and from activities, offer help when needed, and sometimes it gets overwhelming! I start to forget my need to have daily repentance, and be humble. Life gets busy and I have had several experiences where I felt like I just couldn't live up to the expectations given. That is when I realized; I believe in Christ, but do I BELIEVE he is my savior and he can really do all of these things? Do I honestly have faith and trust in the Lord? After all, it is only through him and his grace that I can return to my father.
Later in the book, we here the story of the bicycle.
Robinson's daughter, who was pretty young at the time, came to him one day and pleaded, very innocently, to receive a bike of her own. All the kids on the block had one, and she wanted one too. Being in a bit of a financial crisis at the time, he tells her that if she saves up all her pennies, she will eventually be able to buy her own bike. He knew that by the time she really did save enough pennies to buy a bike, she would be saving for a car, but it was a good enough answer for her and she let him bee.
A few weeks later, while reading the paper, he peeks over to see his daughter helping his wife with some chores around the house. When she finishes, she runs up the stairs, and comes back down a few moments later with a jar full of pennies. The first thing she does is bring it to her daddy, and say "You promised, that if I saved all my pennies I could get a bike!" Of course, daddy cant say no to those big puppy dog eyes, and agrees to take her down town to look at bikes.
After all day of searching, she finally sees it- the bike she was destined to have in the pre-existence! She hops on, with a huge smile on her cute little face. She then grabs for the price tag. Tears swell in her eyes as she tells her dad that she will never have enough money for the bike. He says to her, "how much money do you have?" she looks at him wistfully, and says, ".61 cents."
Do you see where this is going?
He gets to eye level, and explains that if she gives him all she has, all of her 61 cents, a hug and a kiss, he will cover the rest of the cost for the bike.
The two examples above give a perfect outlook on the atonement, and how powerful it really is.
All that is asked of us is to have faith. Have faith in our savior and trust that whatever we cant do on or own, he will cover. Have faith in his atoning sacrifice, repent of our mistakes, and try again. Do whatever is in our power, to follow the commandments to the best of our ability, and lean on the gift of the atonement to bring us to perfection; no matter how sinful we are. All of us are in the same boat, and in the gospel covenant we agree to do all that we can do. We will never be able to do all that is required, so we give our savior our best efforts, and in return, some day we will all be made perfect. Our mistakes are covered, as long as we do our part.
Robinson goes to explain the gospel and the atonement using tithing as an example.
Tithing is the principle within the gospel that asks each of the members of the church to give 10% of their annual income to the church. For those who aren't members and are not familiar with this practice, the money goes to building meeting houses, temples, general missionary funds and so fourth.
Anyway, everyone is asked to give 10% of all they have. Whether you have $100 or .61 cents, the amount is not what matters. What matters is, we give all we can to the Lord, in return for his help reaching perfection. He basically says, "Give me all that you can give. Give me your .61 cents, grow and form a personal relationship with me (a hug and a kiss) and I will take care of the rest."
the last time I paid tithing it was the smallest amount I had ever paid before. All my bills happened to be due that week, and my pay check was the smallest it had ever been. I really didn't have enough to cover all of my bills and take care of myself, but I still made sure I gave 10% to the Lord, with intense prayers, hoping I could get the help.
I paid my tithing, managed to pay all of my bills, and automatically thought of "prove me here with..."
I felt guilty paying such a short amount of tithing, I felt like I was robbing the Lord of what I had. I learned though, that it wasn't the dollar amount that mattered to him. What mattered, was that I had FAITH. I trusted in his counsel, obeyed his commandants, and after I did all I could do, he took care of me. he lifted that weight right off of me, and made me new, and clean once again.
I have been pondering the reality of the atonement for quiet some time now. Reading this book has given me incredible insight, and I felt impressed to share a tiny bit of what I have learned with all of you.
All of our efforts will never be enough, unless we allow Christ to take care of the debt we owe. He wants to do those things for us, He offered himself to pay our debt, and be our Savior. I know that Jesus Christ is my redeemer, He has made me a new person, and with his help, I become a tiny little bit more perfect every day. I know I wont reach perfection for a very long time, even after death, but because I know the atonement was real, I have faith that my savior will pick me up, and carry me when I can not walk any further. God loves us all so much, he knows our struggles, our pains and our sorrows. He has given us a way to have those burdens lifted, and that way is only through Jesus Christ.
This gospel blesses me with a daily opportunity to be made new, and to inch my way to eternal salvation. I know that because of the atonement I can return to live with God, with my family, glowing with eternal glory. I am so blessed to know these truths, and to have this gospel in my life!
Our God is very strict. He does not change His mind. He is the same yesterday, tomorrow and forever. God has not changed and neither have His requirements to enter His kingdom. No unclean thing can dwell with God, not one. Yet, He wants all of his children to return to live with him after this life. How is this possible? Sinning makes us unclean and unworthy to dwell in his kingdom, and we are so imperfect that it is IMPOSSIBLE for us to perfectly live Gods commandments. Even when we do our very best we still fall short one way or another. No one has ever lived a perfect life. Except, our Savior, Jesus Christ.
We have accepted Christ as the Son of God. We know He was perfect, walked on water, and fed hundreds with one piece of bread. We accept Christ as our Savior at baptism, making a promise to always remember Christ and take upon us His holy name. However, sometimes we get overwhelmed, and overlook what He really has done for us. His atonement allows us to be perfect RIGHT NOW. We alone can never be perfect, but if we form a personal relationship with Christ, and make him our better half, we can have perfection through Christ. As a convert I have recently been struggling with this concept, and I am sure many other members of the church have too! While reading the book, Believing Christ, by, Stephen E Robinson, I have grasped a large portion of the atonement that I have been missing.
There are two things that have stuck with me since reading this book, and I am writing this blog to expand on my feelings about them.
In Isiah 1:18 it says, "Come now, and let us reason together saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Robinson explains this scripture so brilliantly! He continues to expand on Isiah 1:18. The Lord is saying here, " It doesnt matter what you did. Whatever it was, no matter how horrible or vile, is not the issue. The issue here is whatever your sin was or is, I can erase it, I can clean you up and make you innocent, pure, and worthy, and I can do it today; I can do it now!"
This is the incredible power of the atonement! I feel sometimes we over look this point: Christ can save us. He can help us be perfect. He can make us perfect, by allowing Him into our lives and making him our better half. We can not save ourselves. I have learned this myself! Without Christ, I was drowning in a pool of my own sorrow, and I could not swim. Note, I am a very good swimmer! God loves us so much he gave us his only begotten son. The atonement is the single greatest gift given to us, one that we can not pay back. Unless, we utilize it daily, and humbly ask for the Lord's help.
Sometimes as a convert, I feel this extra pressure to be a really awesome member of the church. I try really hard to be a good example, and sometimes, I take everything upon my shoulders. I share the gospel as much as I can, I attend every activity (I have maybe missed 4 since I was baptized), I give rides to and from activities, offer help when needed, and sometimes it gets overwhelming! I start to forget my need to have daily repentance, and be humble. Life gets busy and I have had several experiences where I felt like I just couldn't live up to the expectations given. That is when I realized; I believe in Christ, but do I BELIEVE he is my savior and he can really do all of these things? Do I honestly have faith and trust in the Lord? After all, it is only through him and his grace that I can return to my father.
Later in the book, we here the story of the bicycle.
Robinson's daughter, who was pretty young at the time, came to him one day and pleaded, very innocently, to receive a bike of her own. All the kids on the block had one, and she wanted one too. Being in a bit of a financial crisis at the time, he tells her that if she saves up all her pennies, she will eventually be able to buy her own bike. He knew that by the time she really did save enough pennies to buy a bike, she would be saving for a car, but it was a good enough answer for her and she let him bee.
A few weeks later, while reading the paper, he peeks over to see his daughter helping his wife with some chores around the house. When she finishes, she runs up the stairs, and comes back down a few moments later with a jar full of pennies. The first thing she does is bring it to her daddy, and say "You promised, that if I saved all my pennies I could get a bike!" Of course, daddy cant say no to those big puppy dog eyes, and agrees to take her down town to look at bikes.
After all day of searching, she finally sees it- the bike she was destined to have in the pre-existence! She hops on, with a huge smile on her cute little face. She then grabs for the price tag. Tears swell in her eyes as she tells her dad that she will never have enough money for the bike. He says to her, "how much money do you have?" she looks at him wistfully, and says, ".61 cents."
Do you see where this is going?
He gets to eye level, and explains that if she gives him all she has, all of her 61 cents, a hug and a kiss, he will cover the rest of the cost for the bike.
The two examples above give a perfect outlook on the atonement, and how powerful it really is.
All that is asked of us is to have faith. Have faith in our savior and trust that whatever we cant do on or own, he will cover. Have faith in his atoning sacrifice, repent of our mistakes, and try again. Do whatever is in our power, to follow the commandments to the best of our ability, and lean on the gift of the atonement to bring us to perfection; no matter how sinful we are. All of us are in the same boat, and in the gospel covenant we agree to do all that we can do. We will never be able to do all that is required, so we give our savior our best efforts, and in return, some day we will all be made perfect. Our mistakes are covered, as long as we do our part.
Robinson goes to explain the gospel and the atonement using tithing as an example.
Tithing is the principle within the gospel that asks each of the members of the church to give 10% of their annual income to the church. For those who aren't members and are not familiar with this practice, the money goes to building meeting houses, temples, general missionary funds and so fourth.
Anyway, everyone is asked to give 10% of all they have. Whether you have $100 or .61 cents, the amount is not what matters. What matters is, we give all we can to the Lord, in return for his help reaching perfection. He basically says, "Give me all that you can give. Give me your .61 cents, grow and form a personal relationship with me (a hug and a kiss) and I will take care of the rest."
the last time I paid tithing it was the smallest amount I had ever paid before. All my bills happened to be due that week, and my pay check was the smallest it had ever been. I really didn't have enough to cover all of my bills and take care of myself, but I still made sure I gave 10% to the Lord, with intense prayers, hoping I could get the help.
I paid my tithing, managed to pay all of my bills, and automatically thought of "prove me here with..."
I felt guilty paying such a short amount of tithing, I felt like I was robbing the Lord of what I had. I learned though, that it wasn't the dollar amount that mattered to him. What mattered, was that I had FAITH. I trusted in his counsel, obeyed his commandants, and after I did all I could do, he took care of me. he lifted that weight right off of me, and made me new, and clean once again.
I have been pondering the reality of the atonement for quiet some time now. Reading this book has given me incredible insight, and I felt impressed to share a tiny bit of what I have learned with all of you.
All of our efforts will never be enough, unless we allow Christ to take care of the debt we owe. He wants to do those things for us, He offered himself to pay our debt, and be our Savior. I know that Jesus Christ is my redeemer, He has made me a new person, and with his help, I become a tiny little bit more perfect every day. I know I wont reach perfection for a very long time, even after death, but because I know the atonement was real, I have faith that my savior will pick me up, and carry me when I can not walk any further. God loves us all so much, he knows our struggles, our pains and our sorrows. He has given us a way to have those burdens lifted, and that way is only through Jesus Christ.
This gospel blesses me with a daily opportunity to be made new, and to inch my way to eternal salvation. I know that because of the atonement I can return to live with God, with my family, glowing with eternal glory. I am so blessed to know these truths, and to have this gospel in my life!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Young, Single, and Mormon
Dating in the Mormon culture is so different than what I am use to. being a young single adult in the YSA ward, is like homeroom in high school: Dramatic.
I came to church on Sunday, after bringing my date to a singles activity we had the day before, at least 7 different people asked me about who I was dating.
I was bombarded with questions and comments like:
"Is he a member?"
"Where did he serve a mission?"
"Have you DTR yet?" (Determined the relationship)
"congratulations on the dating! you have been a member long enough now, might as well prepare for the temple!"
Because our ward is so small word travels really, really fast. Guys who may have been interested but never said anything start to randomly talk to you, asking questions about the guy. Girls who are observant make a point to ask if they are returned missionaries, and then get excited about the details of the date. When you begin to date, for a moment, you are in the spotlight. Everyone wants to know about it! When people find out the person you are dating is in another ward, you are called a 'ward hopper' and everyone gets concerned about why you wont date someone in your own ward.
Holding hands during sacrament becomes the conversation of Sunday school hour, and Monday night during FHE everyone has their eye on you, trying to see if your relationship is public yet.
A kiss is a huge deal in Mormon world, and after 3 months of serious dating, everyone stares at your left hand, awaiting the moment you walk into institute class with a rock on it.
Just in the 4 short months of me being a member, I have been invited to 6 wedding receptions, and heard about 3 engagements. The general authorities teach that when both parties in a relationship have received confirmation from their heavenly father that they should marry, they should do it as soon as possible. We, as members of the church, are taught to marry the right person, at the right time, in the right place, being the temple. I have been thinking a lot about marriage and love lately. It is something I pray for daily, and really look forward to when heavenly Father decides it is time. Among the craziness of dating while attending the singles ward, sometimes it can be a bit blurry as to what we look for and how we do it. It was said in the movie the Singles Ward, that "to be good enough to for a girl in the bar you just have to hang out for a few hours. In the church, you have to be good enough for eternity." This statement is more or less the truth in the church. As a member I date a lot differently now. I can be honest and admit that I do evaluate for eternity, after all, forever is a long time to spend with someone you cant stand and aren't madly in love with.
I have been considering some things the general authorities teach, and I have been prayerfully pondering these things lately, and it has been helping me on my journey to finding the right person for me. I still have a long way to go I am sure, but having things to look for is always nice. (: Here is what I found:
Be Worthy:
To me, it seems obvious to be worthy of the person you choose. We all have a 'list' of things we look for in a potential spouse, and sometimes we walk around with our eyes wide open to the faults of others and partially closed to our own faults. I think of the things I look for and ask, Am I this person? I want someone strong in the gospel, who studies their scriptures daily. When I go a few days (and it does happen...) without opening up my scriptures the thought always crosses my mind: how can I expect my husband to be diligent in scripture study, when I cant even do so? We can not walk into marriage expecting someone to change. We must accept them for who they are, and love them for those things. We cant expect to be the person that changes someone, only Christ has the power to really create a change of heart.
President Hinckley said we should marry someone we respect and honor. Someone who will compliment us in our own lives, and support us emotionally. He also said "Choose a companion to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.”. We want this for ourselves, and we should also be willing to be this type of spouse in return.
When I think of this, I become very grateful that I have the guidance of the spirit to help me be better, and the opportunity to fast and have intense prayer about this matter. I know I need help from heavenly father to become willing to fully give myself to my future husband, and I know I will need the guidance to pick the right one. It is a terrifying thought to be in eternity with someone I don't have deep respect and admiration for. Or vice versa. I want to make sure I marry the right person for me, and that I am the right person for them.
Through the eyes of a convert I wonder why we marry so fast in the church. I knew people who got married right out of high school, or in their first year of college. I think the law of chastity has something to do with it. I think we are counseled to get married young to avoid those pitfalls, and to be sure we are chaste and pure for our spouses. Sometimes I wonder what the church would be like if we didn't practice so diligently the law of chastity. Would we still be marrying this young? Would we see marriage as an important part of God's plan of salvation? Today the world seems to be so anti marriage, and we as members of the church seemed to be judged for getting married so quickly, and for treating marriage as sacred as we do. Because I see things from a different light, I realize the importance of the law of chastity, and how it plays a very important role in our marriages. We must be chaste to enter the temple, and chastity is something we will be blessed for if we practice it. When dating, I am always pretty upfront about this matter, expressing how important it is to me to keep the Lords commandment to be chaste, and I expect the upmost respect from men. I dress modestly, I keep my words and actions clean, and I do not put myself in situations where the law of chastity can be broken. We are imperfect people, and on top of being young, it is really difficult to not feel the pressure of the world to have sex, watch pornography, and flush the Lords word down the drain. I think it is important when looking for an eternal companion that we find someone who doesn't take this matter lightly. Too often do us women settle and feel self conscious and feel the need to use our bodies as a way to attract. I've got news for you: A worthy man will love you for your modesty, for your love and commitment to follow the words of Christ, and for your self respect. If he doesn't, MOVE ON. He isn't worth spending eternity with. I think this rule is important for men too. You wouldn't want your daughters growing up without the example of a modest mother, who respects her self and her body. Virtue is important. As parents it is our job to teach our children the law of chastity and prepare them for the very serious covenant we make in the temple when we marry.
There is a really wonderful talk given by John Bytheway titled Especially for young adults: who, when and why we marry. There were several things touched on that I loved, that I have kept in mind as I start to seriously date.
One of which was what carries on into eternity. Like mentioned above, we should find someone we respect and admire, someone loyal and gentle. I think sometimes as young members in todays world, we are really superficial.
His unibrow is too distracting from how incredibly generous and kind he is, and her weight is too heavy to see how loveable her heart is, and how much she loves the Lord. In eternity we gain perfect bodies, without blemish or scar. When we open our heart to others, and learn to get to know them, what isn't attractive at first can become endearing, and that is when we really fall in love. By praying for Heavenly Father's help to become more open to the possibilities around us, and to be less judgmental of others, we might find that by doing so we find our eternal companion. A spirit matched perfectly for ours, disguised in a body that isn't so perfect. After all, we all have physical attributes that aren't that pretty, but learning to see others how God sees them can change our whole perspective.
One of the first pieces of advice I was given by a member of my bishopric, was to serve together as a couple. When we are in service to others, we are in service to our God, and there is no better way to really get to know someone in truth, than to see how they serve and love others. While dating, as things get serious, I have made it a must that we serve together. I can't imagine being married to someone who can't selflessly serve others and enjoy doing so. The pure love of Christ is charity. We want to strive to be like Him. I think as husband and wife you strive together to be Christ like and develop those Christ like attributes. Praying together, studying the scriptures and service together are ways to keep our Savior in the center, and a great way to ensure a healthy, honest, and wonderful marriage.
As I write this blog, a bit scattered in thought, I pray that we all be blessed with an eternal marriage. I pray we find something real and true, like eternity itself. Elder Holland taught in a BYU devotional back in 2000 called How do I love thee, that "Love, doesn't come without effort, or patience, but like salvation itself, is a gift given from God, to the true followers of His son Jesus Christ." I know that through Christ and His perfect example, we can follow in His steps and receive the promised blessing of eternal marriage. through obeying his word and striving to perfectly live His commandments, we can find real and pure happiness. I testify this is true, because I know Heavenly Father knows and loves all of His children and wants us to be happy. I love the blessings of the temple, and what being worthy of them can bring us. I am so very thankful for the ability to love others, and for the chance we have been given to marry in His house and be with our families forever.
Here are some links to some talks about love, marriage, and eternity! Check them out! <3
The Eternal Blessings of Marriage: Elder Richard G Scott General Conference April 2011
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng
Especially for young Adults: Who, When, and Why we marry: John Bytheway
http://www.byutv.org/watch/4c051846-936f-46ff-873c-b384c562b7e2/byu-education-week-john-g-bytheway-2003
How Do I Love Thee: Elder Jeffery R Holland BYU Devotional February 2000
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=326
I came to church on Sunday, after bringing my date to a singles activity we had the day before, at least 7 different people asked me about who I was dating.
I was bombarded with questions and comments like:
"Is he a member?"
"Where did he serve a mission?"
"Have you DTR yet?" (Determined the relationship)
"congratulations on the dating! you have been a member long enough now, might as well prepare for the temple!"
Because our ward is so small word travels really, really fast. Guys who may have been interested but never said anything start to randomly talk to you, asking questions about the guy. Girls who are observant make a point to ask if they are returned missionaries, and then get excited about the details of the date. When you begin to date, for a moment, you are in the spotlight. Everyone wants to know about it! When people find out the person you are dating is in another ward, you are called a 'ward hopper' and everyone gets concerned about why you wont date someone in your own ward.
Holding hands during sacrament becomes the conversation of Sunday school hour, and Monday night during FHE everyone has their eye on you, trying to see if your relationship is public yet.
A kiss is a huge deal in Mormon world, and after 3 months of serious dating, everyone stares at your left hand, awaiting the moment you walk into institute class with a rock on it.
Just in the 4 short months of me being a member, I have been invited to 6 wedding receptions, and heard about 3 engagements. The general authorities teach that when both parties in a relationship have received confirmation from their heavenly father that they should marry, they should do it as soon as possible. We, as members of the church, are taught to marry the right person, at the right time, in the right place, being the temple. I have been thinking a lot about marriage and love lately. It is something I pray for daily, and really look forward to when heavenly Father decides it is time. Among the craziness of dating while attending the singles ward, sometimes it can be a bit blurry as to what we look for and how we do it. It was said in the movie the Singles Ward, that "to be good enough to for a girl in the bar you just have to hang out for a few hours. In the church, you have to be good enough for eternity." This statement is more or less the truth in the church. As a member I date a lot differently now. I can be honest and admit that I do evaluate for eternity, after all, forever is a long time to spend with someone you cant stand and aren't madly in love with.
I have been considering some things the general authorities teach, and I have been prayerfully pondering these things lately, and it has been helping me on my journey to finding the right person for me. I still have a long way to go I am sure, but having things to look for is always nice. (: Here is what I found:
Be Worthy:
To me, it seems obvious to be worthy of the person you choose. We all have a 'list' of things we look for in a potential spouse, and sometimes we walk around with our eyes wide open to the faults of others and partially closed to our own faults. I think of the things I look for and ask, Am I this person? I want someone strong in the gospel, who studies their scriptures daily. When I go a few days (and it does happen...) without opening up my scriptures the thought always crosses my mind: how can I expect my husband to be diligent in scripture study, when I cant even do so? We can not walk into marriage expecting someone to change. We must accept them for who they are, and love them for those things. We cant expect to be the person that changes someone, only Christ has the power to really create a change of heart.
President Hinckley said we should marry someone we respect and honor. Someone who will compliment us in our own lives, and support us emotionally. He also said "Choose a companion to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.”. We want this for ourselves, and we should also be willing to be this type of spouse in return.
When I think of this, I become very grateful that I have the guidance of the spirit to help me be better, and the opportunity to fast and have intense prayer about this matter. I know I need help from heavenly father to become willing to fully give myself to my future husband, and I know I will need the guidance to pick the right one. It is a terrifying thought to be in eternity with someone I don't have deep respect and admiration for. Or vice versa. I want to make sure I marry the right person for me, and that I am the right person for them.
Through the eyes of a convert I wonder why we marry so fast in the church. I knew people who got married right out of high school, or in their first year of college. I think the law of chastity has something to do with it. I think we are counseled to get married young to avoid those pitfalls, and to be sure we are chaste and pure for our spouses. Sometimes I wonder what the church would be like if we didn't practice so diligently the law of chastity. Would we still be marrying this young? Would we see marriage as an important part of God's plan of salvation? Today the world seems to be so anti marriage, and we as members of the church seemed to be judged for getting married so quickly, and for treating marriage as sacred as we do. Because I see things from a different light, I realize the importance of the law of chastity, and how it plays a very important role in our marriages. We must be chaste to enter the temple, and chastity is something we will be blessed for if we practice it. When dating, I am always pretty upfront about this matter, expressing how important it is to me to keep the Lords commandment to be chaste, and I expect the upmost respect from men. I dress modestly, I keep my words and actions clean, and I do not put myself in situations where the law of chastity can be broken. We are imperfect people, and on top of being young, it is really difficult to not feel the pressure of the world to have sex, watch pornography, and flush the Lords word down the drain. I think it is important when looking for an eternal companion that we find someone who doesn't take this matter lightly. Too often do us women settle and feel self conscious and feel the need to use our bodies as a way to attract. I've got news for you: A worthy man will love you for your modesty, for your love and commitment to follow the words of Christ, and for your self respect. If he doesn't, MOVE ON. He isn't worth spending eternity with. I think this rule is important for men too. You wouldn't want your daughters growing up without the example of a modest mother, who respects her self and her body. Virtue is important. As parents it is our job to teach our children the law of chastity and prepare them for the very serious covenant we make in the temple when we marry.
There is a really wonderful talk given by John Bytheway titled Especially for young adults: who, when and why we marry. There were several things touched on that I loved, that I have kept in mind as I start to seriously date.
One of which was what carries on into eternity. Like mentioned above, we should find someone we respect and admire, someone loyal and gentle. I think sometimes as young members in todays world, we are really superficial.
His unibrow is too distracting from how incredibly generous and kind he is, and her weight is too heavy to see how loveable her heart is, and how much she loves the Lord. In eternity we gain perfect bodies, without blemish or scar. When we open our heart to others, and learn to get to know them, what isn't attractive at first can become endearing, and that is when we really fall in love. By praying for Heavenly Father's help to become more open to the possibilities around us, and to be less judgmental of others, we might find that by doing so we find our eternal companion. A spirit matched perfectly for ours, disguised in a body that isn't so perfect. After all, we all have physical attributes that aren't that pretty, but learning to see others how God sees them can change our whole perspective.
One of the first pieces of advice I was given by a member of my bishopric, was to serve together as a couple. When we are in service to others, we are in service to our God, and there is no better way to really get to know someone in truth, than to see how they serve and love others. While dating, as things get serious, I have made it a must that we serve together. I can't imagine being married to someone who can't selflessly serve others and enjoy doing so. The pure love of Christ is charity. We want to strive to be like Him. I think as husband and wife you strive together to be Christ like and develop those Christ like attributes. Praying together, studying the scriptures and service together are ways to keep our Savior in the center, and a great way to ensure a healthy, honest, and wonderful marriage.
As I write this blog, a bit scattered in thought, I pray that we all be blessed with an eternal marriage. I pray we find something real and true, like eternity itself. Elder Holland taught in a BYU devotional back in 2000 called How do I love thee, that "Love, doesn't come without effort, or patience, but like salvation itself, is a gift given from God, to the true followers of His son Jesus Christ." I know that through Christ and His perfect example, we can follow in His steps and receive the promised blessing of eternal marriage. through obeying his word and striving to perfectly live His commandments, we can find real and pure happiness. I testify this is true, because I know Heavenly Father knows and loves all of His children and wants us to be happy. I love the blessings of the temple, and what being worthy of them can bring us. I am so very thankful for the ability to love others, and for the chance we have been given to marry in His house and be with our families forever.
Here are some links to some talks about love, marriage, and eternity! Check them out! <3
The Eternal Blessings of Marriage: Elder Richard G Scott General Conference April 2011
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng
Especially for young Adults: Who, When, and Why we marry: John Bytheway
http://www.byutv.org/watch/4c051846-936f-46ff-873c-b384c562b7e2/byu-education-week-john-g-bytheway-2003
How Do I Love Thee: Elder Jeffery R Holland BYU Devotional February 2000
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=326
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Thankful for the missionaries!
This past Saturday I ran into the elder that baptized me while I was at the temple. It was a tender mercy to run into him, to be able to catch up and tell him how good I was doing, and to be back in the presence of someone so important in my life.
I was reminded of how thankful I am to be a convert into the church, and to have found the missionaries!
I love the missionaries. Every time I run into an elder or a sister that I haven't met yet I go out of my way to introduce myself and I make sure I tell them "I am a convert!" Most of the time they get excited, and I don't always get funny looks. (:
Missionaries sacrifice 1 1/2 to 2 years of their life to serve the Lord. They leave the comfort of their homes, their families and friends, and all worldly things to dive deep into the gospel and help bring people like me to the truth. They experience harsh opposition, rejection, and rude-ness, and yet are able to find miracles every day as they watch the gospel change the lives of those they teach. Without the help of the elders who came to my door back in December, I would be lost, these guys have changed my whole life. Obviously, I have Christ and His atoning sacrifice to thank for the real change of heart I have been given, and I have my Heavenly Father and the spirit to thank too, but these missionaries really did save a life by coming to Colorado to share the gospel.
I truly believe with every ounce of my being that Elder Anderson and Elder Pedro were brought to Colorado Denver North Mission to come and teach me. For two years the Lord had been preparing me to accept the gospel, and when I was ready, the elders came to my door, just to find little broken me. I was in a rough spot. I had a broken heart and a contrite spirit and I was searching for something real to bring the light back into my life. I knew right away I was ready for baptism when they came and taught me the first lesson. The spirit was so strong I couldn't deny it.
Today, I write a quick little post to thank the missionaries that have came into my life. I have gained friendships that I never knew I could, and have grown to love these crazy guys. I found trust, because they are the Lords people, and without them being at my side, I cant be sure my conversion far would be this solid.
I have two lovely friends leaving for their missions in the upcoming months. Not growing up in this culture, it is a bit of a shock to know that for 18-24 months, I wont be seeing them. No movie nights or uplifting, random text messages of encouragement and love. I have never really known someone to go off on their mission, nor have I ever been present for the process.
In a couple of weeks I will attend the farewell talk given by Dibe, who leaves for her mission in riverside California. My first temple trip was with this girl, and in 4 months I have watched her transform into such an incredible example, and the Lord made a wise choice calling her to serve.
In September I will say good bye to my buddy Ammon, as he leaves to serve in the Las Vegas West mission. In all my life I have never met anyone as humble, brilliant and flat out amazing, and seeing Ammon leave will be such a bitter sweet moment! I am so proud of my friends for their choice to listen to the Lord and to serve our king.
I am so blessed to have a church so strong in missionary work. God has a divine plan and his work IS hastening. This gospel is an incredible blessing in my life, and without the examples I have been given, I don't know where I would be. Today my heart is with the missionaries around the world, I pray they will have an abundance of the spirit, and be led to the people the Lord has prepared for them. I have a testimony of missionary work, and today I express my deep gratitude for their sacrifice.
I was reminded of how thankful I am to be a convert into the church, and to have found the missionaries!
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| Elder Anderson and I at the Denver Temple |
I love the missionaries. Every time I run into an elder or a sister that I haven't met yet I go out of my way to introduce myself and I make sure I tell them "I am a convert!" Most of the time they get excited, and I don't always get funny looks. (:
Missionaries sacrifice 1 1/2 to 2 years of their life to serve the Lord. They leave the comfort of their homes, their families and friends, and all worldly things to dive deep into the gospel and help bring people like me to the truth. They experience harsh opposition, rejection, and rude-ness, and yet are able to find miracles every day as they watch the gospel change the lives of those they teach. Without the help of the elders who came to my door back in December, I would be lost, these guys have changed my whole life. Obviously, I have Christ and His atoning sacrifice to thank for the real change of heart I have been given, and I have my Heavenly Father and the spirit to thank too, but these missionaries really did save a life by coming to Colorado to share the gospel.
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| Elder Pedro and I on Mothers Day |
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| Elder Anderson and I before his transfer back in March |
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| Elder Pedro, me and Elder Fadika at Smart Cow having frozen yogurt before Fadika's transfer |
I have two lovely friends leaving for their missions in the upcoming months. Not growing up in this culture, it is a bit of a shock to know that for 18-24 months, I wont be seeing them. No movie nights or uplifting, random text messages of encouragement and love. I have never really known someone to go off on their mission, nor have I ever been present for the process.
In a couple of weeks I will attend the farewell talk given by Dibe, who leaves for her mission in riverside California. My first temple trip was with this girl, and in 4 months I have watched her transform into such an incredible example, and the Lord made a wise choice calling her to serve.
In September I will say good bye to my buddy Ammon, as he leaves to serve in the Las Vegas West mission. In all my life I have never met anyone as humble, brilliant and flat out amazing, and seeing Ammon leave will be such a bitter sweet moment! I am so proud of my friends for their choice to listen to the Lord and to serve our king.
I am so blessed to have a church so strong in missionary work. God has a divine plan and his work IS hastening. This gospel is an incredible blessing in my life, and without the examples I have been given, I don't know where I would be. Today my heart is with the missionaries around the world, I pray they will have an abundance of the spirit, and be led to the people the Lord has prepared for them. I have a testimony of missionary work, and today I express my deep gratitude for their sacrifice.
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