This past Tuesday was one of the craziest days I have had in a long time. It wasn't that work was extra hard, or anything in particular was more stressful. I just came to a sudden realization that getting myself to the mission field might be harder than I had anticipated.
My car had stopped running on Sunday. I had been having some problems with the battery, or so I thought. Turns out that the refurbished battery in my car had died two weeks after I had gotten it, and the problem was the alternator, and in order to get that fixed, I needed to replace the battery-and the refurbished replacement wasn't going to do me any good. I needed a new battery but I couldn't afford it, so I swapped out the battery for another refurbished battery free of charge, and let my car sit hopelessly in my parking lot. It would start, but I couldn't risk taking it very far in case it decided to die again.
I was feeling worried. How would I pay to fix the car? I don't want to leave for the mission field, thinking my mom is walking to work every day, or that she is driving an un safe vehicle around. Realistically it isn't something I should worry too much about. It wasn't really my car, I was just using it for the mean time. I could agree to walk or take the bus, and let my mom take care of the problem. I just couldn't do that though, I just couldn't. I agreed to help her out as much as I could to ease some of her stress, and this was something I automatically took upon myself. All day at work I was thinking to myself, How will I get this car fixed with no money? How will I pay off my school loan if I have to fork over $200+ to fix the car? Is this a road block put in my life telling me it is not right to serve a mission? Should I wait to serve a mission until I have everything under control? Will I ever get to serve? I started to panic. I desire so badly to serve a mission. I have been praying for months about serving, I have fasted every fast Sunday to get an answer. The moment I received my answer I made preparing to serve a priority. I made a list of things to do, in order of what needed to be done, made a list of expenses.... Things were going great! I had been offered some help to fund the mission, I talked to my bishop, and things were coming together. Fast!
The car is not that big of a deal. There are people willing to fix it for me, willing to help me pay for things, willing to help my mom and I out. Yet, somehow I could not see the way out. All it seemed to me was that I was standing in front of a hurdle I was too short to get over. All I want to do is serve a mission, and I knew, with everything, that the Lord needed me to serve a mission. The MTC is all I could see. Why was I feeling so discouraged about something so trivial?
On the way home from work on Tuesday, while walking from the bus stop to my apartment, I was praying, very fervently, sincerely, and out loud. I noticed people staring at me as I walked, because it looked like I was talking to myself. I was praying so hard, begging for help, begging to see a way to get me on a mission. I knew God was walking right there with me, I felt his presence, I felt Him listening to my worries. It was the only time that whole day I felt any peace.
I awoke this morning feeling defeated. I was tired, I was frustrated. I was fighting a battle in my head to make myself go to work. I wanted to go back to sleep and stay there. I kept saying "no way is the adversary winning today. I am fighting this, and I am going to win."
I didn't know what my day would be like, but I knew I needed to push through it, and find a tender mercy, because I knew it was there somewhere.
Turns out, God had placed a guardian angel in my life. My car problem is no more a worry. I no longer have to wonder how I am going to pay for it, or how it will be fixed.
I begged for help, I begged for a miracle, and upon His will, He blessed me. A family friend insisted on buying a new battery and a new alternator, just as long as we could find someone willing to do the work. My mom fought a little, but eventually gave in to the offer, realizing it was an answer to both of our prayers.
When my mom told me that we had gotten the help we needed, I heard a small voice tell me "Everything will be okay. You will serve a mission. Trust that I am mindful of you." tears swelled my eyes. I had no idea how I would move past this road block, and I knew that it would only be with the help of heavenly father that I would be able to do it.
God often works through others to answer our prayers and bless us. I am too prideful to really ask for financial help, and when I had reached out to people in and outside of my ward, I had gotten no response. I thought that God was trying to tell me something. I notice now that the adversary was working against me because he doesn't want me to serve a mission and bring others to this happiness. He doesn't want others to know the truth. My faith is too strong to be blown away like a leaf in the wind though, and I was fighting to be on God's side.
Heavenly Father is mindful of his children. He knows what we need, and He knows how to get us to where He needs us to be. I know that we have ministering angels on earth and on the other side of the veil. We have help, and it is everywhere. Sometimes I cant understand but I know it is real and that God is not the only one watching over us. I know that He loves all of us, and that sometimes, all we need to do is trust Him, and have faith. I testify this is true, even though it is difficult. God wont command us to do something without providing a way to help us be successful. When I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, I trusted Him and loved him enough to take my problems to Him, and He showed me the way.
I am so thankful that I am a daughter of God, and that He will provide a way to get me on a mission. I am on the Lords errand every day, and I know I have his help.
I cant believe how blessed I am.
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