Young, Single, and Mormon

Dating in the Mormon culture is so different than what I am use to. being a young single adult in the YSA ward, is like homeroom in high school: Dramatic.
I came to church on Sunday, after bringing my date to a singles activity we had the day before, at least 7 different people asked me about who I was dating.
I was bombarded with questions and comments like:
"Is he a member?"
"Where did he serve a mission?"
"Have you DTR yet?" (Determined the relationship)
"congratulations on the dating! you have been a member long enough now, might as well prepare for the temple!"

Because our ward is so small word travels really, really fast. Guys who may have been interested but never said anything start to randomly talk to you, asking questions about the guy. Girls who are observant make a point to ask if they are returned missionaries, and then get excited about the details of the date. When you begin to date, for a moment, you are in the spotlight. Everyone wants to know about it! When people find out the person you are dating is in another ward, you are called a 'ward hopper' and everyone gets concerned about why you wont date someone in your own ward.
Holding hands during sacrament becomes the conversation of Sunday school hour, and Monday night during FHE everyone has their eye on you, trying to see if your relationship is public yet.
A kiss is a huge deal in Mormon world, and after 3 months of serious dating, everyone stares at your left hand, awaiting the moment you walk into institute class with a rock on it.

Just in the 4 short months of me being a member, I have been invited to 6 wedding receptions, and heard about 3 engagements. The general authorities teach that when both parties in a relationship have received confirmation from their heavenly father that they should marry, they should do it as soon as possible. We, as members of the church, are taught to marry the right person, at the right time, in the right place, being the temple. I have been thinking a lot about marriage and love lately. It is something I pray for daily, and really look forward to when heavenly Father decides it is time. Among the craziness of dating while attending the singles ward, sometimes it can be a bit blurry as to what we look for and how we do it. It was said in the movie the Singles Ward, that "to be good enough to for a girl in the bar you just have to hang out for a few hours. In the church, you have to be good enough for eternity." This statement is more or less the truth in the church. As a member I date a lot differently now. I can be honest and admit that I do evaluate for eternity, after all, forever is a long time to spend with someone you cant stand and aren't madly in love with.

I have been considering some things the general authorities teach, and I have been prayerfully pondering these things lately, and it has been helping me on my journey to finding the right person for me. I still have a long way to go I am sure, but having things to look for is always nice. (: Here is what I found:

Be Worthy:

To me, it seems obvious to be worthy of the person you choose. We all have a 'list' of things we look for in a potential spouse, and sometimes we walk around with our eyes wide open to the faults of others and partially closed to our own faults. I think of the things I look for and ask, Am I this person? I want someone strong in the gospel, who studies their scriptures daily. When I go a few days (and it does happen...) without opening up my scriptures the thought always crosses my mind: how can I expect my husband to be diligent in scripture study, when I cant even do so?  We can not walk into marriage expecting someone to change. We must accept them for who they are, and love them for those things. We cant expect to be the person that changes someone, only Christ has the power to really create a change of heart.
President Hinckley said we should  marry someone we respect and honor. Someone who will compliment us in our own lives, and support us emotionally. He also said "Choose a companion to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.”. We want this for ourselves, and we should also be willing to be this type of spouse in return.
When I think of this, I become very grateful that I have the guidance of the spirit to help me be better, and the opportunity to fast and have intense prayer about this matter. I know I need help from heavenly father to become willing to fully give myself to my future husband, and I know I will need the guidance to pick the right one. It is a terrifying thought to be in eternity with someone I don't have deep respect and admiration for. Or vice versa. I want to make sure I marry the right person for me, and that I am the right person for them.

Through the eyes of a convert I wonder why we marry so fast in the church. I knew people who got married right out of high school, or in their first year of college. I think the law of chastity has something to do with it. I think we are counseled to get married young to avoid those pitfalls, and to be sure we are chaste and pure for our spouses. Sometimes I wonder what the church would be like if we didn't practice so diligently the law of chastity. Would we still be marrying this young? Would we see marriage as an important part of God's plan of salvation? Today the world seems to be so anti marriage, and we as members of the church seemed to be judged for getting married so quickly, and for treating marriage as sacred as we do. Because I see things from a different light, I realize the importance of the law of chastity, and how it plays a very important role in our marriages. We must be chaste to enter the temple, and chastity is something we will be blessed for if we practice it. When dating, I am always pretty upfront about this matter, expressing how important it is to me to keep the Lords commandment to be chaste, and I expect the upmost respect from men. I dress modestly, I keep my words and actions clean, and I do not put myself in situations where the law of chastity can be broken. We are imperfect people, and on top of being young, it is really difficult to not feel the pressure of the world to have sex, watch pornography, and flush the Lords word down the drain. I think it is important when looking for an eternal companion that we find someone who doesn't take this matter lightly. Too often do us women settle and feel self conscious and feel the need to use our bodies as a way to attract. I've got news for you: A worthy man will love you for your modesty, for your love and commitment to follow the words of Christ, and for your self respect. If he doesn't, MOVE ON. He isn't worth spending eternity with. I think this rule is important for men too. You wouldn't want your daughters growing up without the example of a modest mother, who respects her self and her body. Virtue is important. As parents it is our job to teach our children the law of chastity and prepare them for the very serious covenant we make in the temple when we marry.

There is a really wonderful talk given by John Bytheway titled Especially for young adults: who, when and why we marry. There were several things touched on that I loved, that I have kept in mind as I start to seriously date.
One of which was what carries on into eternity. Like mentioned above, we should find someone we respect and admire, someone loyal and gentle. I think sometimes as young members in todays world, we are really superficial.
His unibrow is too distracting from how incredibly generous and kind he is, and her weight is too heavy to see how loveable her heart is, and how much she loves the Lord. In eternity we gain perfect bodies, without blemish or scar. When we open our heart to others, and learn to get to know them, what isn't attractive at first can become endearing, and that is when we really fall in love. By praying for Heavenly Father's help to become more open to the possibilities around us, and to be less judgmental of others, we might find that by doing so we find our eternal companion. A spirit matched perfectly for ours, disguised in a body that isn't so perfect. After all, we all have physical attributes that aren't that pretty, but learning to see others how God sees them can change our whole perspective.

One of the first pieces of advice I was given by a member of my bishopric, was to serve together as a couple. When we are in service to others, we are in service to our God, and there is no better way to really get to know someone in truth, than to see how they serve and love others. While dating, as things get serious, I have made it a must that we serve together. I can't imagine being married to someone who can't selflessly serve others and enjoy doing so. The pure love of Christ is charity. We want to strive to be like Him. I think as husband and wife you strive together to be Christ like and develop those Christ like attributes. Praying together, studying the scriptures and service together are ways to keep our Savior in the center, and a great way to ensure a healthy, honest, and wonderful marriage.

As I write this blog, a bit scattered in thought, I pray that we all be blessed with an eternal marriage. I pray we find something real and true, like eternity itself. Elder Holland taught in a BYU devotional back in 2000 called How do I love thee, that "Love, doesn't come without effort, or patience, but like salvation itself, is a gift given from God, to the true followers of His son Jesus Christ." I know that through Christ and His perfect example, we can follow in His steps and receive the promised blessing of eternal marriage. through obeying his word and striving to perfectly live His commandments, we can find real and pure happiness. I testify this is true, because I know Heavenly Father knows and loves all of His children and wants us to be happy. I love the blessings of the temple, and what being worthy of them can bring us. I am so very thankful for the ability to love others, and for the chance we have been given to marry in His house and be with our families forever.


Here are some links to some talks about love, marriage, and eternity! Check them out! <3

The Eternal Blessings of Marriage: Elder Richard G Scott General Conference April 2011
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng
 
Especially for young Adults: Who, When, and Why we marry: John Bytheway
http://www.byutv.org/watch/4c051846-936f-46ff-873c-b384c562b7e2/byu-education-week-john-g-bytheway-2003

How Do I Love Thee: Elder Jeffery R Holland BYU Devotional February 2000
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=326

Thankful for the missionaries!

This past Saturday I ran into the elder that baptized me while I was at the temple. It was a tender mercy to run into him, to be able to catch up and tell him how good I was doing, and to be back in the presence of someone so important in my life.
I was reminded of how thankful I am to be a convert into the church, and to have found the missionaries!
 

Elder Anderson and I at the Denver Temple

 
I love the missionaries. Every time I run into an elder or a sister that I haven't met yet I go out of my way to introduce myself and I make sure I tell them "I am a convert!" Most of the time they get excited, and I don't always get funny looks. (:
Missionaries sacrifice 1 1/2 to 2 years of their life to serve the Lord. They leave the comfort of their homes, their families and friends, and all worldly things to dive deep into the gospel and help bring people like me to the truth. They experience harsh opposition, rejection, and rude-ness, and yet are able to find miracles every day as they watch the gospel change the lives of those they teach. Without the help of the elders who came to my door back in December, I would be lost, these guys have changed my whole life. Obviously, I have Christ and His atoning sacrifice to thank for the real change of heart I have been given, and I have my Heavenly Father and the spirit to thank too, but these missionaries really did save a life by coming to Colorado to share the gospel.

Elder Pedro and I on Mothers Day

I truly believe with every ounce of my being that Elder Anderson and Elder Pedro were brought to Colorado Denver North Mission to come and teach me. For two years the Lord had been preparing me to accept the gospel, and when I was ready, the elders came to my door, just to find little broken me. I was in a rough spot. I had a broken heart and a contrite spirit and I was searching for something real to bring the light back into my life. I knew right away I was ready for baptism when they came and taught me the first lesson. The spirit was so strong I couldn't deny it.

Elder Anderson and I before his transfer back in March

Today, I write a quick little post to thank the missionaries that have came into my life. I have gained friendships that I never knew I could, and have grown to love these crazy guys. I found trust, because they are the Lords people, and without them being at my side, I cant be sure my conversion far would be this solid.

Elder Pedro, me and Elder Fadika at Smart Cow having frozen yogurt before Fadika's transfer

I have two lovely friends leaving for their missions in the upcoming months. Not growing up in this culture, it is a bit of a shock to know that for 18-24 months, I wont be seeing them. No movie nights or uplifting, random text messages of encouragement and love. I have never really known someone to go off on their mission, nor have I ever been present for the process.
In a couple of weeks I will attend the farewell talk given by Dibe, who leaves for her mission in riverside California. My first temple trip was with this girl, and in 4 months I have watched her transform into such an incredible example, and the Lord made a wise choice calling her to serve.
In September I will say good bye to my buddy Ammon, as he leaves to serve in the Las Vegas West mission. In all my life I have never met anyone as humble, brilliant and flat out amazing, and seeing Ammon leave will be such a bitter sweet moment! I am so proud of my friends for their choice to listen to the Lord and to serve our king.

I am so blessed to have a church so strong in missionary work. God has a divine plan and his work IS hastening. This gospel is an incredible blessing in my life, and without the examples I have been given, I don't know where I would be. Today my heart is with the missionaries around the world, I pray they will have an abundance of the spirit, and be led to the people the Lord has prepared for them. I have a testimony of missionary work, and today I express my deep gratitude for their sacrifice.

Testimony Thursday: I know this is true.

Having a prompting to write a new blog post, but having no idea what my topic should be, I decided just to go with the spirit, and see what comes out on the other end.

I don't know if anyone really reads my blog, but it has came in handy when people ask me about my conversion story. I am rounding the corner to my 4 month mark as a member of The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and it has been such a wonderful journey- so far. I am learning more than the basics of the religion, I am finally acclimated into the singles ward, and I feel like I have been apart of the culture forever. People are even starting to ask me "when are you going to get married?" or, "Did you go to BYU?"

I am use to the coffee smell in my office at work now, and its became second nature to make sure my favorite energy drinks do not have tea as one of the main ingredients. My curse words have been down to a very low minimum, and my music play list has been dwindled down to a whopping 50 songs that I can listen to that still allow the spirit to be with me.

This conversion of mine has not always been simple or easy. I have been faced with plenty of opposition, and harsh words. I am learning to brush it off, but lets be honest, I still get so frustrated and hurt by the way some people act towards me, now that I am a member of the church.

I recently logged onto facebook to see a notification that told me a friend had commented on my wall post. This wall post was back from March 2012, over a year ago. I posted "hey, how are you?" and they never responded. Back at this time I was still talking to this person on a semi regular basis, and it was always about God, and which religion I should be apart of.  I had expected a reply but never got one. He not being a member of the church advised me not to join, sent me a living waters version of the new testament in the mail, and was doing what he could to help me find the answers I had been earnestly looking for. Anyway, just a few days ago, he decided to respond to that wall post and as kindly as I am sure he could have been, said, "hey look at (insert scripture and doctrine here). It says Jesus is the Only God and marriage doesn't exist in heaven, anything else is trash."

For a brief moment I was like... eh whatever. Then it occurred to me, Hey, he didn't even tell me how he was or try to see how I was, he even went out of his way to dig through a years worth of facebook to respond with this nonsense...
I was hurt and confused. Of course he doesn't agree with the church, this much I knew. But to have him go out of his way to say my beliefs are "trash" and to give me scripture to apparently back it up? UGH! I could very well respond with doctrine to back myself and my beliefs up, heck, I could even toss a Book of Mormon in the mail and challenge him to read it. I am not one for confrontation. If I can avoid it at all costs I will, but when it comes to something I am so sure about, it shakes me to my very core.  I read the scripture he gave me, trying to wrap my head around it all, and I decided to just let it roll off my back and pretend it didn't happen.
It didn't work very well because it bugged me the whole day! I can see things from his point of view, or anyone else for that matter. I know what it feels like to be a member of the church and to want others to feel the way I do. I want people to know of the gospel and if someone is investigating or is curious I will jump at the opportunity to share what I know to be true. If I feel this strongly about my church, how can others not feel strongly about their church, right? I always make sure to NEVER tell someone they are wrong, or that what they believe doesn't matter or it isn't true. It doesn't get me anywhere, and it makes the church look snobby.
What is different about all my experiences with opposition so far though, is with every instance  people have gone way out of their way to tell me I am wrong, and then try to prove me with doctrine from the bible. Not only have they told me I am wrong, but they have not ever asked me how I feel about the subjects, asked me about what the church believes on matters or asked me to explain how we get what we got. No one fully understands all the things I have gone through or how I came to be a member of the church. No one has ever asked me without the intent to throw doctrine in my face.

First I want the world to know the LDS church DOES believe the bible to be the word of God, we do read it, we do study it, and we do love it. The members of my church know the bible better than anyone I have ever known, they recall stories and scriptures without a second thought and are able to explain the connections between the bible and the book of Mormon without a problem. I know people who study theology, and will 'explain' the bible and what it means, but wont give the Book of Mormon a chance. I want to naturally discredit what people say about the church when they haven't picked up the Book of Mormon, read it and prayed about it. I mean, how can one 'know' if they haven't set out to sincerely pray about it? After all that is what I did and that is how I gained my testimony.

I still don't know everything about the church, I cant pull scripture out of no where to help myself when I am faced with things like this, but I have learned two things. One: I can argue until pigs fly about doctrine, but nothing over rules testimony. I just say 'this is what I know to be true, and nothing you say or do is going to change this.' Two: the lords people will ALWAYS be persecuted, judged and scoffed at. Look at Jesus' apostles. I mean, look at Joseph Smith who was driven out of his homes, tarred and feathered and put in jail. The Lord's people will always have the feeling of being small and insignificant like I often do when faced with opposition, but because I am a daughter of my Father in heaven, I have the biggest and most powerful support system backing me up, helping me stand up for what is right and true. Ministering Angels surround me and guide me daily, helping me over come the 3 month conversion hump.

I have gotten anti-Mormon hate mail with videos that take the truth and twist it just enough to confuse anyone who doesn't really know, I have had people I was friends with leave me in the dust because of my choice, I have even had to stand up to my own family, and explain myself. nothing has came to me that has scared me away from the church, changed my mind in anyway, or made me take a second guess. I walk by faith, knowing that Heavenly Father isn't misleading me. The spirit guided me to baptism, why would I have had such a strong feeling to enter into the waters of baptism if this wasn't real?

It is my testimony, to anyone who wants to open their hearts and listen, that the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel I live every day. I know that if you have a copy of the Book of Mormon you will start to feel the power that it has. If you read it, sincerely pray to God and ask him if it is true, He will tell you that is another testament of His Holy Son, Jesus Christ. I know that God wants all of us to be happy, and that He is giving us all a chance, every day, to repent, come unto Christ and earn eternal life. He doesn't care about the money you make, the car you drive or the job title you have. He doesn't care about what you have done, because He wants to forgive you. That is the power of the atonement. It washes us clean. It is about coming unto Christ fully, with a broken heart and contrite spirit. taking a step in the dark and trusting the light will follow. I stand as a witness that heavenly Father lives. This is my humble testimony in the name of my savior and my redeemer, Jesus Christ, Amen.