As the only member of the church in my family, it can be real scary standing up for my beliefs. It is important for converts, life long members and even investigators to not be afraid to stand up for what their heart is telling them is true. The spirit can not be withheld from the truth, and the spirit will never stop guiding us to this truth... take it from me, I was continually called back to the church, even through intense resistance! In order to stand up for what we know to be true, we must have a seed of belief planted within us, and act on that belief every day.
I have had a fear in the back of my mind, that my family would disown me for my decision to join the church, and use it as a tool to bring all my faults to the table, and put them up for show. In all honesty, I did not tell my whole family about my baptism. The last time I did so, I was very easily talked out of it, and I did not want anyone, for any reason to try to convince me not to go through with it this time around. I have always been the type to be sensitive to how everyone perceives me, and I want nothing more than to make everyone I know happy and proud. So, I left it up to facebook and word of mouth to spread the word about my baptism, and even though it probably wasn't how things should have been done, it was what was comfortable. I still am unsure of who all is aware of this big life change, because most of my family has kept their mouths shut. Some family is proud that I have found Christ, and even though they disagree with the church, they can agree that I have a good grasp on who our savior is. Some of my family is in shock, wondering how someone like me became a Mormon, but I know in time everyone will find out and everyone will become use to this idea. My non-member friends have been working on coming around, being sure they don't try to put me in positions where temptation will be strong and hard to resist. All in all, its been pretty smooth, but I know, that it wont always be this way.
I am writing this post based on a couple general conference talks I have heard, about believing, faith, and standing tall.
I first think of the talk by Ann M Dibb, titled, I know it I live it. I love it. This talk gets me fired up every time I listen to it. She talks about a young girl in the grocery store, sporting a t-shirt that says 'I'm a Mormon, are you?'. Any one who knows me well, knows that I want people to know, despite how scary it can be, that I AM A MORMON. I have a nose piercing and a belly button piercing that I am still working towards removing, I have tattoos, and I am a proud convert into the church. My past was a rocky one, and because of it I am proudly standing on the foundation of Christ. Our faith should not be something that we remove at night, around other people, or in uncomfortable situations. Writing this blog, and using social media has been a great outlet for me to over come my fear, and stand tall and firm, as a witness that Christ lives.
It is expedient that we remember that even though we feel alone, God is always by our side, giving us direction, helping us over come anything in our path. After all, He knows us better than we know ourselves, and if we take a shot in the dark, God will make sure we don't trip, or stub our toes on anything (;
My mind wonders to a talk given by Jeffery R Holland titled "Lord, I believe". I was able to be present in the conference center when this talk was given, and I still get goose bumps when I think back to my experience. Jesus said "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him who believeth." Doubt is a necessary part of faith. We all feel small and worthless at times, and wonder if God is really listening. Holland says "In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited..."
We will all have trials that God allows us to face in order for us to grow. For me, the trial I am over coming right now is getting rid of Satan's attempts to place me in fear to stand up for the church and its divinity. It is of the upmost importance to hold on tightly to what you already know is true, have faith Jesus has not left your side, and wait patiently for the storm to blow over. Holland continues to say, "The size of your faith or degree of your knowledge is not the issue-it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the truth you already know." Jesus said that the fruit of living the gospel will be evident in the lives of latter day saints everywhere, and I know this is true. Why do you think we are so happy all the time?! living the gospel faithfully has set me, and many other saints free, and I must be clear that all of us who are faithfully trying to live the gospel the best we can, are indeed, walking by faith, not by sight. Sometimes walking by faith is difficult, scary, and often shakes the very core of our logic.
I am here to bear my testimony, that a small belief will turn into faith that can not be brought down. I work hard to know the truth and grow closer to my Heavenly Father. I know this gospel has been restored to its fullness through Joseph Smith, and it takes a lot of faith to know this is true. Acting upon a small belief and inkling rising from your heart, will only lead you to the truth. If your faith is being tested, lean on my faith! My faith is strong and steadfast, literally unmovable. Stand up with me and pray to God for the confidence to stand as His witness. It doesn't matter who disagrees, or who resists, your salvation is not dependent on them. No one is perfect. NO ONE. And that is why this church is so beautiful. Any one can be forgiven, any one can come to know Christ like I have. Elder Holland says something in the talk mentioned that I just love:
"belief is a precious word, and even more a precious act"
Jesus Christ himself told us in Mark 5:36, "...Be not afraid, only believe." Through faith in Jesus Christ anything is possible, even over coming my fear of standing up for myself and what I know to be true.
Growing in your faith and becoming fully converted unto the Lord takes time, patience, willingness to dedicate yourself to the gospel, and at the very least, belief. I can testify that acting on that belief will lead you places you never thought you would be. I find myself stomping my feet on the ground of Christ with my arms crossed, unwilling to face any other way than God's way. Yes, I am a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it. I am proud of my faith, proud of my decision to be baptized, and I will always remember that I am not alone, and neither are you.
Walk by faith, not by sight, trust in the Lord, and fan the flame of your faith. Stand as a witness to God at all times and in all things and in all places.
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